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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Drama Scripts  ›  Life's Better
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Don
Posted: October 29th, 2017, 10:09am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Life's Better by Marcus "BOZ" Walton - Short, Drama - There is a huge gap between forgiveness and revenge, but which gives the best pleasure in the end? 25 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



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Revision History (1 edits)
Don  -  September 27th, 2018, 4:23pm
revised draft
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JK2Write
Posted: November 1st, 2017, 6:49pm Report to Moderator
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The script is decent. The premise is funny, but I don't like the characters. I don't know why, but they just didn't click for me. Maybe it's the way they constantly call each other "babe", that's grating. You have some funny lines, but they're few and far between. You need to add more depth to your characters, make them more likeable, add more jokes. I'm sure it will get better. You have talent, no doubt about it. There are a few punctual errors, but that's usually the case. Here's some advice to avoid this happening again: Finish your script, leave it for a week. Re-read and edit. Leave for three days, read through it again. Trust me it works. Best of luck
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