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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Drama Scripts  ›  Beauty Behold
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  Author    Beauty Behold  (currently 46 views)
Don
Posted: February 10th, 2019, 4:21pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Beauty Behold by Steven Burton - Short, Drama, Fantasy - Gloria changes her focus from outer to inner beauty after a natural disaster accident. 5 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



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Sandra Elstree.
Posted: February 10th, 2019, 7:49pm Report to Moderator
Yellow


What if the Hokey Pokey, IS what it's all about?

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This is good.

There is a little problem with the dialogue here:

WOMAN
Wow, that is something to think about. The values of outer and inner beauty. What does that all mean?

MAN
Well it caused her to think about not only in this art, but she has also written about it in a book.

WOMAN
Very impressive. You just never know what surprises life will bring. Now, Iím really curious to see and meet her. Where is she?

MAN
On the other side of the room in a group.

It's a little bit teachy-preachy disguised in dialogue. How can you express this in another way?




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