Thanks, Dena. I'm rather partial to that title too.
(Thanks too Dena for the info on where to locate the other Oscar Short.)
Tell A Marketer is good title too but I wonder if it is more suited to a Comedy or one-sided confessional.
...
Pia and Dena, I'm looking forward to the finished product. Glad some of my comments were helpful, Pia.
Good luck with the shoot gals!

Sorry for being so tardy here. I was feeling under the weather since yesterday and ended up going to one of those immediate care centers. I'll be back tomorrow like new!  

Hope you feel better, Pia.

Tried to do this yesterday, but I guess the site was down for a while. Which btw reminds me I need to ask because I don't get it and I have googled it. What is the difference between awhile and a while?

Quoted from Zack Writing-wise, there are some issues. A few typos and some overwritten passages here and there. Some of your asides work, some do not. The dual dialog at the bottom of page 3 is very clunky. I also think you need to insert some mini-slugs so we know where we are in the house. I'm also not a fan of the title.

Overwritten and asides that don't work!!!!!!!!!    This how I write. This is me. No one has complained to me about that before! You're the first!!!  :p  It is a first draft, so thanks for pointing out the typos.

Mini slugs are not needed since the house has an open floor plan and the kitchen and living room are in the same space.

Title will be changed. Look for a poll coming up.

Quoted from Zack Of course none of that matters, considering you are filming this yourself.

And that's the beauty of shooting things yourself. You start looking at scripts from a filmmakers POV and you quickly realize what crap doesn't matter and what does.  

Quoted from Zack It's actually a pretty good little story. Sad, but very real. It's amazing what people can bond over. Good characters and believable dialog. Looking forward to seeing the finished product.

Thanks! So far, all people involved have said they loved the story and think it's very powerful, so I think we're off to a good start.

Thanks for reading, Zack.  

Quoted from Mr.Ripley Enjoyed the story. Here are my thoughts: Pg. 2. Remove him glancing at phone. Normal people hang up and that�s it.

Normal people yes, but this is a film. In my mind, he's looking at the phone wishing his son will call.

Quoted from Mr.Ripley Pg. 5 when Jim tries his opening pitch, have Vernon interrupt him mid way or sooner. Vernon should be more interruptive.

Why? He's already had two robocalls. They irritate him, but by the time Jim calls, he decides to strike up a conversation just for the sake of having a real human to talk to. He decides to engage in the conversation. He is sort of interrupting by talking about completely different things than Jim is.

Quoted from Mr.Ripley Pg.5 too soon for Jim to lose his cool. Maybe show something in his office that shows his urgency like a quota notice?

Good idea.

Quoted from Mr.Ripley Pg. 6 Jim needs a bit incentive to stay on the line.

Agree.

Quoted from Mr.Ripley Pg. 8 regarding Jim�s monologue about war, Is it possible to get some sound effects in the background that reflects what he�s describing like explosions, etc? I think it could make it more emotional.

I mentioned this earlier too. IMHO, in a drama like this, it's the actors' expressions that are the visuals. It would be rude and disrespectful to their performance to cut away to some flashes that we don't really need when they are in the middle of pouring their guts out. Just my opinion, but I feel strongly about that.  

Quoted from Mr.Ripley Hope this helps. Keep us posted on the shorts development. Gabe

Always appreciate your read! Thank you!  

Quoted from Zack Hope you feel better, Pia.

Back to feeling great. No more amorous activities in the pool for me.  

Thanks again everyone! I think I have a pretty good idea of where this needs to go no. Planning to do the re-write this weekend.

Quoted from Grandma Bear Tried to do this yesterday, but I guess the site was down for a while. Which btw reminds me I need to ask because I don't get it and I have googled it. What is the difference between awhile and a while?

My first go-to on these things is Grammar Girl:

https://www.quickanddirtytips.com/education/grammar/while-versus-awhile

The site was down a while this morning too, for me at least. Spoiling my morning brekky ritual. Oh well, I have my fix now.  

Hey Pia

Good point regarding my comment about Jim being more interruptive. Completely forgot about the two previous robocallers.

Regarding the monologue, Im in agreement with you about not taking the spotlight off of Jim. What I envisioned was seeing Jim’s facial expression as he’s telling the story. But that there’s low sound effects in the background at specific points like a wailing or explosion to give it more impact. Just wanted to clarify the picture in my head. I’m notorious in causing confusion.

Anyway you go, keep us posted and can’t wait to see the film. You’re starting to create a interesting portfolio.  

Gabe

Quoted from Mr.Ripley Hey Pia Good point regarding my comment about Jim being more interruptive. Completely forgot about the two previous robocallers. Regarding the monologue, Im in agreement with you about not taking the spotlight off of Jim. What I envisioned was seeing Jim’s facial expression as he’s telling the story. But that there’s low sound effects in the background at specific points like a wailing or explosion to give it more impact. Just wanted to clarify the picture in my head. I’m notorious in causing confusion. Anyway you go, keep us posted and can’t wait to see the film. You’re starting to create a interesting portfolio.   Gabe

I appreciate all your input, Gabe. I think as far as seeing a script differently, that's what's so cool. It's kind of like having multiple paralell universes. The same story, but it looks different and plays different in each one. In my vision, Jim and Vernon both tell their story in complete silence around them. I've got plenty of feedback, email too, where people suggested similar stuff as you with flashbacks and such. That could work really well in their vision and that's the beautiful thing about art, we all interpret it differently.  

Understand. Any word on when pre-production is going to start? I’m obsessed with behind the scenes stuff. Lol.

Quoted from Mr.Ripley Understand. Any word on when pre-production is going to start? I’m obsessed with behind the scenes stuff. Lol.

We are shooting Aug 24th, so we already are in pre-pro. We have the location. We have the actors and we have the DP. All we need is for the script to be finished.  

Btw, Dena is the BEST producer!

Thanks for voting on the title. Call On Me is now the new title.

Since this is a collab between two and a half SS members, I will keep updating the progress on this, since some people seem interested.

We now have a final draft thanks again to everyone who chimed in with reviews. As always though, things are always tweaked during the shoot too, but I think you should be able to see your suggestions in the film if you chose to watch it when finished. Hopefully in September.  

Looking forward to it

We shot this film today. I think it went great. Much thanks to Dena the producer who organized everything. Our DP is an artist and impressed everyone. We were in a small space, but he managed to make every shot look interesting and beautiful. The actors were great and it´s such a pleasure to work with actors that come prepared and know their stuff and then delivers!!!

I think we got everything we needed. For those who´s read the script, we did end up scratching the scene where Vernon sits down and turns the TV on. We were running late and had to speed things up. I honestly don´t think it will be missed. Sometimes, when you see things play out in real time, you just realize that something in the script might not be needed at all or it slows things down way too much.

My biggest takeaway from this shoot was that when you write an older character, in this case someone in there 80s, it will effect your shoot. First of all, you have to find an actor that age that can act. Which we did. Second, you have to be very considerate of them and make sure it´s not too strenuous or that the environment itself isn´t too hard. We had to do an outdoor scene in the middle of the day. This was in Florida. In August at high noon. I was actually getting worried there for awhile. Things like the safety of crew and cast has to come first, so it might affect the shoot in many different ways. Just something to think about when you write a certain character into a situation.

Great news, Pia! And great insights. Really looking forward to seeing this.

P.S. Just out of interest, how did you find the lead actor? And, did you do auditions?

Good luck with it. I'm looking forward to seeing the DP's shot choices

How’s that I never read it? I’ll get to it tonight. And best of luck with the movie!