SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is March 28th, 2024, 7:46pm
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Produced Script Database (Updated!)
One Week Challenge - Who Wrote What and Writers' Choice.


Scripts studios are posting for award consideration

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production
Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Drama Scripts  ›  Cliff's Edge
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 2 Guests

 Pages: 1
Recommend Print
  Author    Cliff's Edge  (currently 1009 views)
Don
Posted: August 16th, 2019, 3:40pm Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
16381
Posts Per Day
1.94
Cliff's Edge by Chris Beadnell - Short, Drama - When all seems lost, someone may have heard your cry. 1 page - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
Logged Offline
Site Private Message
Matthew Taylor
Posted: August 16th, 2019, 4:11pm Report to Moderator
January Project Group



Location
Shakespeare's county
Posts
1770
Posts Per Day
0.89
Lol I enjoyed that, well done.

From a technical point of view I would put the nodding into action rather than in a parenthetical.

I would also refrain from showing us the body hanging from the rope, this is a joke and you have delivered the punchline, no real need to show us that bit.

A funny micro short. Good luck with it


Feature

42.2

Two steps to writing a good screenplay:
1) Write a bad one
2) Fix it
Logged
Private Message Reply: 1 - 12
cbead
Posted: August 17th, 2019, 7:27am Report to Moderator
New


https://chrisbeadnell.wordpress.com/

Location
Sunny Coast. Qld. Australia
Posts
143
Posts Per Day
0.05
Thank you Matthew.

I was struggling whether to keep the last scene in or not. Being a one page script, less, of course is more. And I knew the reveal had already been made but my mind's eye I saw the last visual as being the final "gasp".

But I do get the value of leaving the audience wondering, was he eventually found? was he actually having a heart attack? did he die? I suppose I opted for finality and a further touch of meanness to the work.

I really appreciate your feedback. CB


Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 2 - 12
Fais85
Posted: August 25th, 2019, 1:58am Report to Moderator
New



Location
India
Posts
190
Posts Per Day
0.10
Nice and funny little short.

Although I agree with Matthew that the punchline is already delivered in the 2nd scene, I think the last shot of him hanging on the rope gives a proper conclusion to the whole story. I liked that.

Very well done.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 3 - 12
eldave1
Posted: August 25th, 2019, 10:56am Report to Moderator
January Project Group



Location
Southern California
Posts
6874
Posts Per Day
1.95
What a clever premise.  Well done.

Some places are just a bit too sparse for my taste - note - others will find it just right. But by way of example, here:


Quoted Text
Billy (11) walks near the cliff. A rope is tied to a large
tree. He edges to the cliff and looks down.


I'd rather not have instant reaction from Billy.  Let him inspect the rope for a minute - see that it is taut - look down it's length towards the cliff.


Quoted Text
Fifteen metres below, CRAIG (49) is on the rope and still a
long way to the ground. He looks unwell. Spots the boy above.


The action verbs are a bit pedestrian - you can pop this up a little more. e.g., Billy walks near the cliff could be Billy kicks pebbles with his shoes as he meanders near the cliff.

Craig is on the rope - a little more pop as - Craig precariously dangles on the rope.

These are all nits of course - I love this premise and enjoyed the story. Nice work.


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 4 - 12
cbead
Posted: August 30th, 2019, 7:56am Report to Moderator
New


https://chrisbeadnell.wordpress.com/

Location
Sunny Coast. Qld. Australia
Posts
143
Posts Per Day
0.05
Thanks Dave and Fais85 for the read and comments.

Dave, thanks for your feedback. I agree that it could be sparked up a little.

This was my first script for 3 years due to some health concerns and then having a baby (well my wife, not me), so it's great to get back into the groove again.

Cheers  CB


Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 5 - 12
eldave1
Posted: August 30th, 2019, 9:56am Report to Moderator
January Project Group



Location
Southern California
Posts
6874
Posts Per Day
1.95

Quoted from cbead
Thanks Dave and Fais85 for the read and comments.

Dave, thanks for your feedback. I agree that it could be sparked up a little.

This was my first script for 3 years due to some health concerns and then having a baby (well my wife, not me), so it's great to get back into the groove again.

Cheers  CB


My pleasure - welcome back


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 6 - 12
Zack
Posted: August 30th, 2019, 10:14am Report to Moderator
January Project Group



Location
Erlanger, KY
Posts
4487
Posts Per Day
0.69
Some pretty dark humor here. I like it.

Agree with Dave that some of the action descriptions could be punched up a bit. Not that they are bad as they are, just a bit bland.

Still, this is an enjoyable one-pager. Good work.
Logged
Private Message Reply: 7 - 12
cbead
Posted: March 24th, 2023, 11:58pm Report to Moderator
New


https://chrisbeadnell.wordpress.com/

Location
Sunny Coast. Qld. Australia
Posts
143
Posts Per Day
0.05
Cliff's Edge: FILMED !

An extended re-written 7 page  script.  Filmed at Noosa and Brisbane, Queensland in February 2023

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6UXuHjxKg2g


Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 8 - 12
LC
Posted: March 25th, 2023, 1:43am Report to Moderator
Administrator



Location
The Great Southern Land
Posts
7581
Posts Per Day
1.34
I hesitate to give you a not quite glowing review here cause having our work produced is a big deal, so kudos to you for that.

I just felt really conflicted with exactly what I should come away feeling from this.

The tone felt confusing. It's very dark. Nothing at all wrong with dark themes.
There's black comedy to be mined here and also suspense. I just felt both should have been utilised more.

Does the longer version of your script explore this?

Having watched the filmed version I read the original one-pager and one thing that struck me is that your child character might work better (on film) if younger and not fully understanding the gravity of the situation. An eleven year old would surely twig more. As is it kinda implies the non-hearing child was not very smart  when he takes a thumbs-up signal as literally AOK. I think more conflict was needed in the scene and it should have been drawn out more between these two characters e.g., Craig imploring Billy to get help, Billy seeming to understand, (your audience then breathes a sigh of relief) but then not - and then your audience freaks out.

Your guy is painted as not very smart as well. He's recovering from having a stent put in but then he goes abseiling in the middle of nowhere on his own? I'm not convinced you even needed that whole situation as set-up. And his phone not clipped onto his arm?

I think with some tweaks you have a sound premise but I don't think the exploration of what could be great tragi-comedy was fully explored in this particular rendition.

Jmho, of course.


Logged
Private Message Reply: 9 - 12
cbead
Posted: March 25th, 2023, 10:12am Report to Moderator
New


https://chrisbeadnell.wordpress.com/

Location
Sunny Coast. Qld. Australia
Posts
143
Posts Per Day
0.05
Thanks LC. The final production was not exactly how I envisaged. I suppose every writer will feel that to some degree.

The interaction between  Billy and Craig was supposed to be more as you described.  Even on set I didn't say too much but did have to get the Director to re shoot Craig doing a thumbs up as that was missed initially... So in the film you certainly notice the different colouring in that sequence due to being 2 hours later. And some of the acting was a bit wooden.

It is based on an actual event... I am a Paramedic, trust me people are this stupid.

The Dir/Prod wants to film more of my scripts which is great... I have discussed with him for me to take more of a role in rehearsal and script supervision.

Thanks for your thoughts I really appreciate it.


Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 10 - 12
LC
Posted: March 25th, 2023, 5:03pm Report to Moderator
Administrator



Location
The Great Southern Land
Posts
7581
Posts Per Day
1.34
Chris, I'm glad you took my comments in the spirit intended.
I requested a filmmaker pull one of mine from the Festival Circuit. It was not good and they had no Option so that worked out.

You're in an enviable position having someone want to film more of your Shorts so that's terrific, and there was some lovely photography on this one. Did it have a DP attached?

Hopefully as time goes by you get more input.
I look forward to seeing more, particularly as they're being shot in Oz.


Logged
Private Message Reply: 11 - 12
ghost and_ghostie gal
Posted: March 25th, 2023, 5:23pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Location
A helluva long way from LA
Posts
1565
Posts Per Day
0.29
Congrats Chris, some of the scenery in this film is amazing. Not gonna lie, wished I had read the original script. Gotta be good to hear the director wants to film more of your scripts.-A


Logged
Private Message Reply: 12 - 12
 Pages: 1
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Short Drama Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006