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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Drama Scripts  ›  Unrequited
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  Author    Unrequited  (currently 989 views)
Don
Posted: January 11th, 2020, 10:14am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Unrequited by Ara Shahinian - Short, Drama - An obsessed lover who's had a change of heart stalks his ex on a train to win her back despite her being happily married and with her husband. 8 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



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You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky

Revision History (1 edits)
Don  -  January 19th, 2020, 9:13am
revised draft
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AndyJ
Posted: January 11th, 2020, 11:03am Report to Moderator
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You really need a logline, we need to know what it's about, I nearly didn't read it because of no logline.

It's pretty well written, very descriptive, maybe too much for a 5 minute short. Budget wise it would be pretty high.
I think you should have introduced the "MAN" as "DEMETRE".

I couldn't work out the bit below:

"the attendee anxiously directs him to an available
seating towards the back but the Man suggests the seat next
to him; a perfect angle on Lisette."

Oh OK, reading it again here I think I get it. Did you mean the seat next to where he was at that point in time?



Revision History (1 edits)
AndyJ  -  January 11th, 2020, 3:46pm
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DBSeeker
Posted: January 11th, 2020, 2:05pm Report to Moderator
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I appreciate you reading it, unfortunately I uploaded the wrong draft. Although I love this website, it's a nightmare to update your own thread or to post screenplays in real-time.

I have no idea how to remove this draft and to replace it with the current one. I believe this website would benefit from a newer system to give users more power, sorta like reddit. Sorry, I don't mean to be bossy or anything cause I'm certainly appreciative of this website.

Can any moderator please help me out here? Suggestions on how I can replace this screenplay?

Thank you very much.
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AndyJ
Posted: January 11th, 2020, 3:45pm Report to Moderator
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Just go back to the Submit page and check the box for "This is an update to a script, logline, genre, or title already on the site."


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LC
Posted: January 11th, 2020, 5:20pm Report to Moderator
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AndyJ, thanks for pointing Ara aka DB, in the right direction.


This is a valuable tool to help navigate all things SS.
https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?m-1124159895/s-0/

This link's a great resource:
https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-screenwrite/

And, if you so desire:
https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-knowyou/

Oh, and this one re loglines, which you could do with adding to your script, DB, as Andy pointed out:
https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-logline/


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Don
Posted: January 19th, 2020, 9:19am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Quoted from DBSeeker
I appreciate you reading it, unfortunately I uploaded the wrong draft. Although I love this website, it's a nightmare to update your own thread or to post screenplays in real-time.

I have no idea how to remove this draft and to replace it with the current one. I believe this website would benefit from a newer system to give users more power, sorta like reddit. Sorry, I don't mean to be bossy or anything cause I'm certainly appreciative of this website.

Can any moderator please help me out here? Suggestions on how I can replace this screenplay?

Thank you very much.



Your confirmation email has information about updating and removing your work from the site.

- Don


Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
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LC
Posted: January 19th, 2020, 5:30pm Report to Moderator
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What Don said.

In the meantime Ara, you can also use a file sharing program to post a new draft directly to this thread:via Dropbox, Google drive etc.


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