Hang Him by Simon Parker - Short, Drama - A man is placed on a stool with a noose around his neck. Left there, once his legs give out he'll fall and die. A pregnant teenage girl is his only hope, but she wants him to kill someone for her. 5 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Quite good, I didn't get the bit with him hitting him with the rock. The man had a gun but he was close enough to hit him. Maybe if he had thrown, Which is suggested because she says he didn't miss.

At the end you don't need to tell us she has run away with him, we get it and you can't say that on screen. You already showed us she is with him, no need to tell.

Hi Simon.

To start i'd like to know who puts the rope around his neck?
I'd also like you to check the dialogue as there are some issues with language/typos.

You use the Cut to. I'd use a beat if the scene remains in the same location.

Also you don't have to explain an action. Just show don't tell.

There are lots to work with to fill in the gaps, instead of jumping ahead so fast.

Also watch out for missing commas. And you use full stops when you should be using a comma to break up a sentence.

So overall I think your script is intriguing, but needs more work to make a decent short.

John Stone