The Breakup by Cedric Msiza - Short, Drama - Anthony and Alexia are going through the difficulties of a relationship. When alexia decides she wants to break up, it all leads to a fatal ending. 3 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

There are tons of grammatical errors - tons.

I'm guessing English is your second language. Check out GRAMMERLY -  it's a free app that will help.

Okay, I do kind of like the setup. Short, three pages, two characters, one room. My kind of screenplay. The situation seemed realistic but the writing needs improvement. Also, I've read lots of short scripts that end with sudden death, or the hint of it. Maybe the scenario could/would still end this way but there'snot much explanation in between first and last page.

Thanks for the advice

Quoted from eldave1 There are tons of grammatical errors - tons. I'm guessing English is your second language. Check out GRAMMERLY -  it's a free app that will help.

You guessed right, but I will be sure to check it out. And thanks for the advice

Quoted from Cedric You guessed right, but I will be sure to check it out. And thanks for the advice

My pleasure

Hi Cedric, I did like the dialogue, grammar mistakes aside, it came off as genuine.

I think for this type of story to have impact and a satisfying ending, it would be good if you raise the tension between them. Build up the emotional rage in Josh to make his actions believable... show us the rage that makes people snap. At the moment it lacks that intense emotion. The audience craves emotion in stories, so sock it to em!!

Cheers K

Hey Kirsten.  Thank you for reading. I'll make sure to consider emotion the next time I write. I appreciate your feedback so much.

It was OK. If you're filming this yourself, it could work. However, if you're putting this out there as just a script then you're going to struggle to get anyone to read it as it is badly written. The story itself also ends very suddenly and needs more meat on the bones. Might make a decent first-year film. Y'know, as a practise kind of thing.

If you want to be a writer though, you have lots of studying to do.

All the best,

I appreciate the feedback. Thank you

Quoted from Cedric I appreciate the feedback. Thank you

No problem