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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Drama Scripts  ›  Cripple Robbers
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Don
Posted: May 9th, 2020, 12:06pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Cripple Robbers by Simon Parker - Short, Drama - A gangster hires a group of disabled men hoping to turn them into a gang of bank robbers. 9 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



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BarryJohn
Posted: May 10th, 2020, 2:32am Report to Moderator
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Who am I? A man with a hundred stories..

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Well written. Fair story, but for the card thing.. three poor cripples I make out to be living on the street - How was the card delivered / given to them. And as they question what they doing here, it tells us it was just a card with an address = No motivation to wheel chair down there.  

Aiden is quick to curse Lucas for cold blood killing. Yet Aiden then shoots him in the head! Revenge would have been sweeter had they tied him up in the warehouse with a few of the scattered notes and his gun laying on the ground. Calling the cops when they gone.    


Who am I? A man with a hundred stories... you want to read one?
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