Alley Cats by Barry John Terblanche - Short, Drama - Gang leader, Persian, has been exposed by three hobos. Man and cat show-down in a dark alley.  Pages - 5 pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Yo, Barry,

This is bizarre, but in a good way. It was nice to read something so off-putting. Some things I noticed were:

Your logline isn't very clear. It takes time to understand properly what it tries to convey. Plus, it's not catchy. You need to improve your logline.

There are a few minor typos in the script. They don't offer much hindrance during the read but they do distract, for sure.    

In my opinion, this is a fun little silly story to read. Also, unusual. Very unusual.

Bonne chance!

Hay Yuvraj

Thanks for the read and input / comments - appreciated.

Logline - been a 5 pager, thought I'd just keep it simple.

Bizarre indeed... we writers sure do have a vivid imagination. I'm hoping to get it animated.

Thanks again.    

Oh... I'm having it cartooned / story boarded. And will post it here when done.

Great Barry!

Bonne chance!

Hey BarryJohn, although I read this it's not a genre that appeals to me so in one sense I'm not really qualified to comment -- however it seems like a fun idea. Best of luck with it. -A

Thanks for read gostwriter