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I’m so fascinated by the deeps, but also so stupid… does it really take 4 hours to get to the bottom of the explorable sea? Did you make that up? Is this something I should even be concerned with? Probably not.
I’d love to watch a Twilight Zone episode set at the bottom of the ocean. Nice little reveal with “mom.”
Few typos here and there “this in no time for suspense.” “Judy reaches for her daughter, taker her hand in her own.”
The ending of this is gonna bum me out, I already know it from the episode inspiration.
Wtf…
Man there had to be a better way to write that ending. That didn’t feel earned. The whole script was going well until that ending.
Sidenote – this is the 3rd of 4th script with no FADE OUT. What happened to Fade out?
I'd list my "work" here, but I don't know how to hyperlink.
"Career" Highlights -2, count em, 2 credits on my IMDB page. -One time a fairly prominent producer e-mailed me back. -I have made more than $1000 with my writing! -I've won 2 mugs... and a thong. (polaroids of me in thong available for $10 through PM)
Dialogue was mostly good. Couple hiccups, but no biggie. I was expecting the ending to be about how mom and daughter have their differences, but mom selflessly sacrifices herself. Needless to say, awesome twists.
Technically, I think more time should pass between the time that Sarah stops breathing to the time that they're rescued. Even five minutes could do the trick. (EMT training told us that the brain dies around 4-6 minutes without oxygen) As it's written it seems like CPR can still be performed. Hmmm maybe that's another intended layer? Mom has a second chance to save Sarah but still chooses to shake her head? Not sure.
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With a Shake of the Head - OWC
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