Writing was great. Was able to breeze through this fairly quickly. I liked the fighting part especially. I could picture very move clearly.

Not sure I'm getting the ending though. I understand that the guy Denton fought and defeated is the owner of the bar, but it seems a bit bland to me. Unless I'm missing something.

Good work regardless.

Some of your word choices invite pause for analysis...

Quoted Text by the multiple layers of clothing common to those sleeping rough

You mean homeless..?

What optics????? probably me though -- I must be mentally challenged.

That said... I liked it,  but it didn't leap out and grab me and demand I turn the page. Still was a pretty fast read so you have something of interest. Hats off & Good luck with it. Hope it was helpful, voodoo doll me if it isn't. -A

Quoted from ghost and_ghostie gal Some of your word choices invite pause for analysis.. What optics????? probably me though -- I must be mentally challenged. ... A

Not just you... And, if you are, Andrea, (mentally challenged) I'm in the same boat.

No offence to the writer but I noticed the use of 'optics' in another script and I'm wondering if it's the same writer cottoned onto a buzz word. I could be wrong... We shall see.

Optics
1. the scientific study of sight and the behaviour of light, or the properties of transmission and deflection of other forms of radiation.
2.
NORTH AMERICAN
(typically in a political context) the way in which an event or course of action is perceived by the public.
"what we really need in this circumstance is to make smart decisions in the best interest of student safety—not simply make changes that win political points for optics"

It may be a regional thing. I Googled and...

A bar Optic is a trademarked pub measure created by Gaskell and Chambers. The Optic is a device which is mounted in the neck of an inverted spirit bottle and dispenses a measure of alcohol when the lever is pushed or pulled.

My ignorance then.

I'll go with the 'regional' excuse.  

Interesting story and characters, but I wanted more from the ending.

I thought this was really well written, Denton felt otherworldly. I confused myself a few times, because Barry sounds like an older man's name while Danny sounds like a young whippersnapper. Maybe that's just me.
The fight was cool/ well-written. I imagined it as a DBZ/anime type of fight for some reason.

Reading the synopsis of the original episode it seems like the potion played a major role in the story. So... is O'Leary spiking the drinks with something positive for Denton and/or something negative for the challengers? It's clear that Denton and O'Leary are in cahoots, but to risk getting into street-fights without some kind of edge doesn't make sense. If there is some potion behind the scenes it should at least be alluded to, the licensee sign wasn't enough.

I wanted more from the ending. Good stuff, nonetheless.

This was tied for my 2nd top rated script. I missed the twist at the end the first time. After reading it a second time, my appreciation for the script went up. Really enjoyed the writing and the dialogue.

Thanks all for the comments and suggestions... will definitely be re-working this one a little.

Barry and Bazza... a regional thing, Barry, whilst no longer a common name, is sometimes changed to Bazza in slang/speech, shoulda probably stuck to Barry to avoid confusion.

The end, he refers to O'Leary being a cheat earlier in the script, and then he cheats on the kid by attacking him from behind when he's not ready, a trick or two he's learnt from O'Leary. So there's no real elixir here but setting it in a pub harks to that notion too.

Sup is slang for drink, in the UK at least

I didn't realise until writing this that Optics are a UK thing either, live and learn.

Thanks for all the comments.