Dan's Shadow by Ronen Blumberg - Short, Drama - Dan has a shadow from his past. Diana tries to help him yet the more she tries the worse it gets. 7 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Interesting concept, liked it, just needs work.

Make sure all the headers are formatted correctly...

  
INT. DAN'S APARTMENT - DAY

...you only need the one full stop after INT remember.


Try and break up your action lines and use less words. You don't want the reader to have lots to concentrate on...


                     Dan (45), ugly, bald, glasses, sits in the corner amongst the clutter.

                     He's fixated on six tarot cards laid out on a table.

                     He kicks over the table and weeps silently.


....something along these lines. See how it flows a bit better?


I would also get rid of CONT'D not necessary.

                    
                        "I'll never will... should be "I never will"...  remember always re-read for spelling errors.

And here as well...

                       pushed by a Tom - don't need the 'a'.


Instead of...                    
                       Diana smiles and goes to Dan bend over and hugs him gently.

...to make it read clearer put...

                       Diana smiles, bends over towards Dan and hugs him gently.


I hope this helps you in moving forward. Very well done.