SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is April 19th, 2024, 1:41pm
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Produced Script Database (Updated!)

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production
Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Drama Scripts  ›  Hit The Road
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 3 Guests

 Pages: 1
Recommend Print
  Author    Hit The Road  (currently 291 views)
Don
Posted: November 4th, 2021, 3:27pm Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
16417
Posts Per Day
1.93
Hit The Road by Nicholas  Ryan - Short, Drama - Jack recites his argument with his fiance to his therapist. 10 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
Logged Offline
Site Private Message
BarryJohn
Posted: November 5th, 2021, 7:12am Report to Moderator
New


Who am I? A man with a hundred stories..

Location
South Africa
Posts
349
Posts Per Day
0.18
Hey Bud. I gave your script a read... some pointers regarding your format;

- INT. DAY  We need to know where we are, location. INT. LOCATION - DAY
- None of the characters are arced. You need to arc them on introduction, no matter how simple... JACK, late 30s, tall dark and handsome. We cap our characters only once, on introduction. Don't, as you have, continue to cap them.
- INT. DAY - THE KITCHEN  Must be INT. KITCHEN - DAY ~ Always INT/EXT then LOCATION then TIME
- As above, same with INT. THERAPIST. Must be INT. THERAPIST OFFICE - DAY
- Don't cap dialogue to indicate Joanne is yelling. For all after you mentioned she's yelling in your action scene. You could use a parenthetical to indicate this. JOANNE (Yelling).
- Parentheticals are used to express the emotion of the characters (Sad), tone (Yelling), body language (Frowns). Not as you had done with JACK (Pissed off. He throws an object...) that belongs in your action scene.
- Your story is out of structure. It reads; Jack sits by himself in an office - then he is (V.O) in the kitchen - then he is in the therapist office speaking to the therapist. Though yet, Jack, from the beginning was in the therapist office (not alone) and he was telling the therapist of what had perspired in the kitchen, thus, don't use the (V.O) You see what I mean about your opening slug; INT. DAY ~ Had you slugged INT. THERAPIST OFFICE - DAY we'd know where we are.

Hope this all helps you with a good rewrite. Best.
    
    


Who am I? A man with a hundred stories... you want to read one?
Analyst, mentor, competition reader/judge, film critic, magazine article/blogger.  
https://simpsonliteraryagency.com/script-analyst
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 1 - 6
LC
Posted: November 5th, 2021, 7:51am Report to Moderator
Administrator



Location
The Great Southern Land
Posts
7621
Posts Per Day
1.34
Barry, what do you mean by :

You need to arc them (the characters) on introduction, no matter how simple...



Logged
Private Message Reply: 2 - 6
Matthew Taylor
Posted: November 5th, 2021, 8:06am Report to Moderator
January Project Group



Location
Shakespeare's county
Posts
1770
Posts Per Day
0.88
Ha! With that title I love that you called your character Jack... surely that's not a coincidence, right?


Feature

42.2

Two steps to writing a good screenplay:
1) Write a bad one
2) Fix it
Logged
Private Message Reply: 3 - 6
BarryJohn
Posted: November 5th, 2021, 8:12am Report to Moderator
New


Who am I? A man with a hundred stories..

Location
South Africa
Posts
349
Posts Per Day
0.18
Hi LC.

Characters are just named - JACK. Arc, describe, give us a "visual" of the character... JACK, late 30s, tall dark and handsome.


Who am I? A man with a hundred stories... you want to read one?
Analyst, mentor, competition reader/judge, film critic, magazine article/blogger.  
https://simpsonliteraryagency.com/script-analyst
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 4 - 6
BarryJohn
Posted: November 5th, 2021, 8:13am Report to Moderator
New


Who am I? A man with a hundred stories..

Location
South Africa
Posts
349
Posts Per Day
0.18
Lol, Matthew. I thought the same.


Who am I? A man with a hundred stories... you want to read one?
Analyst, mentor, competition reader/judge, film critic, magazine article/blogger.  
https://simpsonliteraryagency.com/script-analyst
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 5 - 6
Grandma Bear
Posted: November 5th, 2021, 8:42am Report to Moderator
Administrator



Location
The Swamp...
Posts
7961
Posts Per Day
1.35

Quoted from LC

You need to arc them (the characters) on introduction, no matter how simple...

The word arc is the wrong word here. Arc is the path or course the character goes through during the story. Not something you use in a character description. Other than that, the other comments are correct, IMO. BUT, ultimately, if the reader understands the story, you did something right. If the reader loves the story itself, they are much less likely to get hung up on technicalities. Everyone loves a GOOD story.


Logged
Private Message Reply: 6 - 6
 Pages: 1
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Short Drama Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006