Breathe by John McDermott - Short, Drama - Anne must find the courage to say goodbye to her son who is dying from Covid-19 in hospital via a Zoom call so she can tell him one final time how much she loves him.  1 page - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Hey John, I'm a little hesitant to critique a script with this subject matter cause so many people went through hell having to say goodbye in this manner, but a few thoughts.

First comment is : Whew!
Secondly, I think you could include in description a PPE shield over the Nurse's mask.

Anne's words are movingly poetic.
This line however: the bow in my
crossbow,
Felt a little out of place from the overall sentiment.

And maybe some hope at the end or at least faith. Maybe have her touch the rosary beads at the start and grip them harder at the end.


P.S. A nitpick but, a period instead of a colon after Fade Out.

A lot on one page for sure. Sorry, but for me, it didn't quite land.  The poetry in the dialogue took me out of the setting a bit.