Code Blue by Simon Parker - Short, Drama, Race, Police, - When an African American doctor is targeted by a couple of racist police officers, he finds himself in a dilemma when one of those officers starts having a heart attack. 8 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Not much to comment on with 8 pages. The dialog and progression of events were quite real. If you told me they came from witnesses of an actual event I would believe you.

I found myself getting rather upset with Cop #1. I also got annoyed with Hank a little bit. Both men perceived themselves to be in the right. Clearly, Hank was right but Cop #1 had a gun and an attitude that had to be dealt with.

I feel that Hank could have done more to avoid the outcome. He could have provided the car’s registration as proof of ownership. He could have handed his keys to Cop #1 and described what was in the bag that he needed. He could have provided his hospital ID to prove who he was. The cops should have asked for identification first thing anyway but they didn’t. It’s possible that even if Hank had done more to appease the police, the tragedies may still have taken place.

I’m sure there are those who feel that Cop #1 was completely at fault for what happened. You may be one of them. If we lived in the same area, we could meet someplace and discuss it.

The point that I am trying to make is that this eight-page piece you created would have generated that discussion.  Nice job.

I may have found a few typos or things that didn’t read right:

Page 2 about 23 lines from the top including spaces, “He approached a red sports car.”, I think would read better if it were, “He approaches a red sports car.” May be a typo, may have been deliberate. Just my observation and opinion.

Page 3 in Hank’s first dialog on the page, “in board daylight.” I think you meant “in broad daylight.”

Page 8 I’m sure “The first police officers” was meant to be “The first police officer.”

Anyway, you succeeded in pulling me into the story.  ‘Nuff said?

Very compelling short, Simon.  I was an ER Nurse for a number of years and my husband an ER Doctor, so this hits home a little bit.  People, not exclusively cops, can actually be this dumb - and prejudiced.  Where I live in the Southern U.S., some people still actually have trouble believing that a black person can be a "real doctor".  Your racist cop fits this bill.  You've also hit on a "hot button" topic right now of police violence.  In the cop's defense, they literally put their life on the line with every interaction they make with the public. It's a thin line to walk.  You did a good job in keeping the tension up throughout the script, however I was hoping that the ending might be different.  Point taken that the good guy doesn't always win.  I also spotted a few typos as mentioned above, but those are easily fixable.  Overall, nice job on a tough topic. Thanks for sharing!

Hey, Simon!

Please respond, (for the love of God!) to the many people who read and provide feedback on your scripts.

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