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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    Short Horror - October 06 One Week Challenge  ›  Spoiled
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Shawnkjr
Posted: October 29th, 2006, 3:31pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks for all the reads and advice.
It's appreciated. A lot of you said you were disappointed at the end
I was rushing to get this in on time...i think i just barely made it, it was supposed to be longer too. Its probably the reason for some of the mistakes.
Thanks again


-shawn


Scarefest 2 presents: Home Malone - Short/Horror http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?m-1220187087/
Spoiled - OWC Horror/Milk Exercise
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ReaperCreeper
Posted: October 30th, 2006, 9:06pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Helio
Wow! This was one more like other two I've read: the winged monters and Will and Dan...I think two of writers decide write together!


Well, there ARE quite some coincidences here but I have no idea who this guy (shawnkjr) is. I still haven't really gotten by to knowing the members of the board quite well...

Anyway, I thought this screenplay read fast and it wasn't only because of the short length, which is very good. Highly enjoyable, but I cannot take credit for it as I wasn't involved at all. Still, there are some starnge similarities between the stories!  

For the record, I wrote Killer Lactose, the one with Will and Dan. lol

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ReaperCreeper  -  October 30th, 2006, 11:39pm
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George Willson
Posted: November 3rd, 2006, 10:36am Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


Doctor who? Yes, quite right.

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Hm, not bad. You've got quite the freaky monster thing going on, and one that thrives on milk, no less. Ian and Jaynie were actually decent characters for their part, partly because the first two pages were devoted in full to them. I also found it was paced fairly well, too.

I'm going to guess Jaynie's relative flippantness with the situation is because she's high? That's the only reason I can concoct as to how she could react so blithely to the weirdness. I could see it initially, but at some point, you gotta find the milk overkill to be disturbing.

You played the monster card to a T with the ending, and the way they defeated mom was not bad either. An earlier comment references the why this is going on, but really for the length it is, there's not much to explore. After all, Night of the Living Dead gave us a zombie invasion and no logic behind it.

So this was a decent entry as well. I liked it for what it was.


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James McClung
Posted: November 13th, 2006, 8:24pm Report to Moderator
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Haha! I actually meant to read Jordan's (theboywhocouldfly's) Spoiled but turns out there's two of these things. Anyway, no harm done. This one was pretty decent. I like how you set up the story with the gallons upon gallons of milk. Nothing particularly horrible but you can tell instantly that something's a little off. I liked your creature as well although I would've liked a little more description of it. What I was picturing was something eel-like. Not sure if that's what you were going for. Wouldn't have hurt to know what the damn thing was either but that's not such a big issue. Anyway, you did a pretty good job with the guidelines you were given. Not much else to say. Good job.


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