Ms. Williams by Rick Ecoo - Short, Horror - College student Madeline Williams moves in with neurosurgeon Doctor Connor. And in her room, a closet that makes noise at night. The question is 'what's in that closet?'' 19 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Maybe you could describe Madeline's emotions more, as she explores the door, etc. Also you could have her talk to herself, so your scene isn't all action. Maybe she dies a bit too quickly. Maybe you could describe more of her horror before she dies. I thought this a well written story, however, with interesting characters.

Well, the premise seemed interesting so I gave it a read... first of all, you have quite a few formatting issues with this one. Just curious, but are you from the US? I don't mean that as an insult, I just kind of got a UK vibe with this one, with some of the wording you chose... anyway back to the formatting issues, like I said there were quite a few... you capitalized the character names in the dialogue when you should have done it in the action lines, there's other issues and I can delve deeper if you'd like but I'm sure if you re-read this (after reading other screenplays) you'll most likely spot them right away...

Next, the dialogue... I'm sorry but it was absolutely atrocious and extremely unrealistic, I didn't buy it at all... I actually got a little bored and skipped through a lot of it until the ending... which the ending in itself was extremely cheesy with the Doctor's true reveal... however, props on the demon dweller, it was kind of creepy...up until the very end.

Overall, not a bad story idea... but the characters need work, the dialogue needs work, and you really should go back and revise your formatting.

Good luck man.