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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Horror  ›  The Painter - WT
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  Author    The Painter - WT  (currently 3636 views)
ajr
Posted: April 4th, 2018, 3:48pm Report to Moderator
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I liked it. There's actually some wasted space up top with the narrative, where being economical with the descriptions could have saved a line or two, which could then have been given to Verona as dialogue. Even with that, the writer managed to convey a pretty cool little gruesome story. Well done. Not sure if I put it in the 4 and wait to see if it's a 5 after I read all the rest category, or if it's a solid 4.


Click HERE to read JOHN LENNON'S HEAVEN https://preview.tinyurl.com/John-Lennon-s-Heaven-110-pgs/
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SAC
Posted: April 5th, 2018, 4:09pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


… but some dreams do

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Writer,

Yes. Very good. That’s a good reveal. I liked it a lot. Good job, writer!

Steve


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Kirsten
Posted: May 6th, 2018, 7:11am Report to Moderator
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Very clever, liked the ending. Could lose the sun shining in the room. Nice little horror short.


"Turn that off, our friend has just been killed in a fatal sunlight accident!"....

'What we do in the Shadows.'
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Warren
Posted: May 6th, 2018, 6:39pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


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Thanks for the read, Kirsten.

Glad you liked it.


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FrankM
Posted: May 11th, 2018, 8:08am Report to Moderator
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I like the story, and although I understood that we were seeing the canvas, I can see how it was confusing to some. Without the one-page limit, you can easily set this as an INSERT to make it crystal clear where the image is, and the director can decide if any part of the couch should be visible around the edges.


Feature-length scripts:
Who Wants to Be a Princess? (Family)
Glass House (Horror anthology)

TV pilots:
"Kord" (Fantasy)
"Mal Suerte" (Superhero)

Additional scripts are listed here.
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Warren
Posted: May 11th, 2018, 10:15pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


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Thanks for the read, Frank.

It was actually originally written as an INSERT but the extra formatting pushed me onto a second page. I do think the confusion is more 'self-inflicted' than anything else. Obviously I wouldn't want it seen, it's the entire twist, at no point do I write that it is seen either so I don't know why people even assume it is. At only a page worth of reading, it's really not that hard to figure out. I'd be hesitant to give this to a filmmaker who was confused about that :p

I do think that sometimes issues are created for the sake of issues.

Appreciate the feedback.


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JEStaats
Posted: May 12th, 2018, 3:30pm Report to Moderator
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No sh*t, there I was....

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Hi Warren,

I really loved this short during the OWC and finally got around to reading your revision. A couple questions:
- First paragraph: Are all the paintings of the same model/Verona or all different women? The sentence should either be changed from woman to women, or written as '...a beautiful woman...'
- When Verona appears behind Carlo, is she clothed or naked? Would we realize that it's her in all the paintings at this point, if they are all of her?

I still think this is a great piece for the time limit and constraints. Great work.
John
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Warren
Posted: May 13th, 2018, 11:29pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


A man who has taught his mind to misbehave

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Hi John, glad you liked it. I haven’t revised anything. Just resubmitted the original with my name on it.

Woman to women needs changing. I like the idea that this potentially isn’t his first victim, thanks for pointing that out.

I envisaged her clothed; I will need to clear that up.

Thanks again.


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Philostrate
Posted: May 25th, 2018, 2:02pm Report to Moderator
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Good concept, strong visuals. I expected the ending, but liked it for its execution. Great work.


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Warren
Posted: January 8th, 2019, 4:42pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


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The Painter has been optioned.

It's one of two scripts that were optioned together by independent filmmaker Vincent Tang.

https://vincetang20.myportfolio.com/


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Kirsten
Posted: January 19th, 2019, 6:32am Report to Moderator
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Congrats Warren


"Turn that off, our friend has just been killed in a fatal sunlight accident!"....

'What we do in the Shadows.'
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Warren
Posted: January 19th, 2019, 10:38pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


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Thanks Kirsten.


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Pleb
Posted: January 20th, 2019, 5:28am Report to Moderator
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Congratulations mate.

I'm not surprised it got picket up. It's a nice little short, well written and with a decent execution. Something that can be shot in no time too.


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Mr.Ripley
Posted: January 20th, 2019, 5:48am Report to Moderator
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Congrats. Gave it read and see why it was picked up. Keep us posted with the updates.  

Gabe


Just Murdered by Sean Elwood (Zombie Sean) and Gabriel Moronta (Mr. Ripley) - (Dark Comedy, Horror) All is fair in love and war. A hopeless romantic gay man resorts to bloodshed to win the coveted position of Bridesmaid. 99 pages.
https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-comedy/m-1624410571/
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Warren
Posted: January 22nd, 2019, 2:02am Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


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Thanks for taking a look, Max and Gabe.


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