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The Painter - WT (currently 3636 views) |
ajr |
Posted: April 4th, 2018, 3:48pm |
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Old Timer
Posts1482 Posts Per Day 0.28 |
I liked it. There's actually some wasted space up top with the narrative, where being economical with the descriptions could have saved a line or two, which could then have been given to Verona as dialogue. Even with that, the writer managed to convey a pretty cool little gruesome story. Well done. Not sure if I put it in the 4 and wait to see if it's a 5 after I read all the rest category, or if it's a solid 4. |
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Reply: 15 - 38 |
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SAC |
Posted: April 5th, 2018, 4:09pm |
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Of The Ancients … but some dreams do
LocationUpstate NY Posts3201 Posts Per Day 0.79 |
Writer,
Yes. Very good. That’s a good reveal. I liked it a lot. Good job, writer!
Steve |
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Reply: 16 - 38 |
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Kirsten |
Posted: May 6th, 2018, 7:11am |
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January Project Group Giving up is not an option....
LocationKiwi in Ohio Posts373 Posts Per Day 0.13 |
Very clever, liked the ending. Could lose the sun shining in the room. Nice little horror short. |
| "Turn that off, our friend has just been killed in a fatal sunlight accident!"....
'What we do in the Shadows.' |
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Reply: 17 - 38 |
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Warren |
Posted: May 6th, 2018, 6:39pm |
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Of The Ancients A man who has taught his mind to misbehave
LocationSydney, Australia Posts3897 Posts Per Day 1.36 |
Thanks for the read, Kirsten.
Glad you liked it. |
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Reply: 18 - 38 |
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FrankM |
Posted: May 11th, 2018, 8:08am |
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January Project Group
LocationBetween Chair and Keyboard Posts1447 Posts Per Day 0.63 |
I like the story, and although I understood that we were seeing the canvas, I can see how it was confusing to some. Without the one-page limit, you can easily set this as an INSERT to make it crystal clear where the image is, and the director can decide if any part of the couch should be visible around the edges. |
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Reply: 19 - 38 |
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Warren |
Posted: May 11th, 2018, 10:15pm |
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Of The Ancients A man who has taught his mind to misbehave
LocationSydney, Australia Posts3897 Posts Per Day 1.36 |
Thanks for the read, Frank.
It was actually originally written as an INSERT but the extra formatting pushed me onto a second page. I do think the confusion is more 'self-inflicted' than anything else. Obviously I wouldn't want it seen, it's the entire twist, at no point do I write that it is seen either so I don't know why people even assume it is. At only a page worth of reading, it's really not that hard to figure out. I'd be hesitant to give this to a filmmaker who was confused about that :p
I do think that sometimes issues are created for the sake of issues.
Appreciate the feedback. |
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Reply: 20 - 38 |
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JEStaats |
Posted: May 12th, 2018, 3:30pm |
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Old Timer No sh*t, there I was....
LocationTucson, AZ Posts1735 Posts Per Day 0.62 |
Hi Warren,
I really loved this short during the OWC and finally got around to reading your revision. A couple questions: - First paragraph: Are all the paintings of the same model/Verona or all different women? The sentence should either be changed from woman to women, or written as '...a beautiful woman...' - When Verona appears behind Carlo, is she clothed or naked? Would we realize that it's her in all the paintings at this point, if they are all of her?
I still think this is a great piece for the time limit and constraints. Great work. John |
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Reply: 21 - 38 |
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Warren |
Posted: May 13th, 2018, 11:29pm |
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Of The Ancients A man who has taught his mind to misbehave
LocationSydney, Australia Posts3897 Posts Per Day 1.36 |
Hi John, glad you liked it. I haven’t revised anything. Just resubmitted the original with my name on it.
Woman to women needs changing. I like the idea that this potentially isn’t his first victim, thanks for pointing that out.
I envisaged her clothed; I will need to clear that up.
Thanks again. |
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Reply: 22 - 38 |
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Philostrate |
Posted: May 25th, 2018, 2:02pm |
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New
Posts341 Posts Per Day 0.15 |
Good concept, strong visuals. I expected the ending, but liked it for its execution. Great work. |
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Reply: 23 - 38 |
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Warren |
Posted: January 8th, 2019, 4:42pm |
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Of The Ancients A man who has taught his mind to misbehave
LocationSydney, Australia Posts3897 Posts Per Day 1.36 |
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Reply: 24 - 38 |
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Kirsten |
Posted: January 19th, 2019, 6:32am |
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January Project Group Giving up is not an option....
LocationKiwi in Ohio Posts373 Posts Per Day 0.13 |
Congrats Warren |
| "Turn that off, our friend has just been killed in a fatal sunlight accident!"....
'What we do in the Shadows.' |
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Reply: 25 - 38 |
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Warren |
Posted: January 19th, 2019, 10:38pm |
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Of The Ancients A man who has taught his mind to misbehave
LocationSydney, Australia Posts3897 Posts Per Day 1.36 |
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Reply: 26 - 38 |
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Pleb |
Posted: January 20th, 2019, 5:28am |
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LocationUK Posts444 Posts Per Day 0.15 |
Congratulations mate.
I'm not surprised it got picket up. It's a nice little short, well written and with a decent execution. Something that can be shot in no time too. |
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Reply: 27 - 38 |
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Mr.Ripley |
Posted: January 20th, 2019, 5:48am |
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January Project Group Writing
LocationNew York Posts1979 Posts Per Day 0.31 |
Congrats. Gave it read and see why it was picked up. Keep us posted with the updates.
Gabe |
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Reply: 28 - 38 |
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Warren |
Posted: January 22nd, 2019, 2:02am |
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Of The Ancients A man who has taught his mind to misbehave
LocationSydney, Australia Posts3897 Posts Per Day 1.36 |
Thanks for taking a look, Max and Gabe. |
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Reply: 29 - 38 |
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