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Before I read anyone else comments. I'd say the story was interesting, although some of the description was hard to follow in the beginning, which puts the rest of the script in danger if people decide to stop reading because of it. However, this is short enough that I doubt anyone would.
So, I'm going to try and explain the story as I read it. A husbands seeks the assistance of some sort of witch in order to accept his wife's sins so that she may rest in peace, however, he'll have to return the favor, which I'm assuming is the killing of other people like this "whore." Was that even close? Let's see, haha.
BLB.
Commodus: But the Emperor Claudius knew that they were up to something. He knew they were busy little bees. And one night he sat down with one of them and he looked at her and he said, "Tell me what you have been doing, busy little bee..."
Hahah. Interesting everyone got caught up in what was going as I did. Nice to see I wasn't too far off from the sound of it.
BLB
Commodus: But the Emperor Claudius knew that they were up to something. He knew they were busy little bees. And one night he sat down with one of them and he looked at her and he said, "Tell me what you have been doing, busy little bee..."
wait, I missed the longline too. I legit stoped before the comma because I thought it sounded promising enough.
BLB
Commodus: But the Emperor Claudius knew that they were up to something. He knew they were busy little bees. And one night he sat down with one of them and he looked at her and he said, "Tell me what you have been doing, busy little bee..."
I know it's probably not one of your newer scripts, but it came up on the recent threads so I thought I'd have a read.
I haven't read the previous comments yet so I might be repeating things already said.
Story-wise though, I think it's solid. Nice and short and it reads really well. You set up the scene well, and the dialogue is really decent too. Felt like it belongs to the time/world when they'd have exist in.
The pacing is on point as well I reckon. There was never I moment where I thought it felt too slow/rushed, which is tricky when it comes to shorts.
One last thing, on page 1, you have...
"A small fire flickers in the and supplements..."
I'm guessing that the "and" part of that sentence is a left over word from a previous draft?
Sorry, I hate pointing out that kind of thing but it did mean I had to read the sentence a couple of times, and that's always a good thing to try and avoid of course.
Zack, in my head Deidre is more the type who preys on the weak, eating the sins of those who are desperate to not go to hell... so evil with a little e perhaps.
Max, thanks for taking a read and glad you liked! No need to apologise for spotting mistakes... it's really useful as I'd clearly missed them.
Really pleased you felt the dialogue fit the period, one of the hardest bits with historical scripts so I'm glad it worked for you.