Quoted from Yuvraj This is indeed a compliment for me. I didn't wanted this to be a simple and easy to understand story. It should take some efforts brother otherwise there ain't no fun. Big up my brother.

Funny how people ignore what they see and read what they think they see.

I'm guessing that  English isn’t your first language -- which unfortunately is a problem at the moment. This script could, for all I know, read  well in your native language, but it reads choppy and disoriented in English, making it  hard for the reader to engage.  This most negatively affects your dialogue, which here comes off as stilted and unrealistic, but it affects your description also.  It's distracting, and both of us had to reread some sentences.

Ok. I could stop right there. But we give feedback and offer suggestions in the hope of making posted scripts and loglines stronger, right? The stronger the story and characters and twists, the better the chances of its selling and/or being made, yes? With this thought in mind...

General sloppiness:  

Right off the bat you have two title pages.  Pick one.

And second, yeah - It reads like a novice effort but there's nothing wrong with that and much is learned through re-writing. Part of the problem is that I don't get a clear sense of genre as the story opens. You say it’s horror, but the truth of the matter it’s far from it.  It seems like a drama - if that's the case, then I'd really make sure the characters and dialogue are unique and wonderful, since you can't lean on the plot like a genre script can.

Too other matters. The dialogue is a very melodramatic.  Everyone says exactly what's on their mind, with no subtext.  Especially with such a serious subject matter.  For one thing, people keep telling each other things the other person already knows. OM says, "Damn we should have been there by now." And SIMI says, “Yep. But we must finish what we have been told first.”

People don't usually say what they're thinking.  For example "I'm angry at you, inconsiderate bastard" they say "would you "Please fucking put the lid down on the toilet for once?"

But the keyword here is: really melodramatic.  You have to do much better.

Code WOMAN Hey I got missed calls from her. MAN I also got them. WOMAN Lets get it done and get going. I almost done. You? MAN Just in a minute.

First off, neither of the characters react in even close to a realistic way.

Both of them are pretty blaise considering they're suppose to be so concerned about their daughter. Doesn't exactly portray them as the compassionate caring mother/father we expect to see in a family.  In fact, if they're so concerned, why don't they just call Suma back?  Huh?   Why don't they answer their phone?  Are they turned off?  I don't think so.

Quoted Text DOCTOR How is she behaving? SIMI She is behaving very oddly. OM She seems confused and losted. She doesn't talks much. Not with us as well as her friends. SIMI We don't get to spent time either. We both have to work to make our ends meets. OM She seems to talk to somebody all the time. Someone only she sees. She even talks on a dead phone.

Their whole interaction seems incredibly forced and feels like it's just ham-handed exposition. It's also dull. Very little character coming through here. Seems very "first-drafty."

Sentences like 'The MAN and the WOMAN are in the car driving to their home' do not make sense in screenwriting because we don't know their driving home to their place because unless you intend to put a flag hanging off a particular road sign that says 'Om and Simi's home' we could never know.

Normally I refuse to rewrite or even offer suggestions on how writers to write.  One of my pet peeves with those who provide peer review feedback is that many of the notes boil down to: "Write like I write. Don't write like you write."  

Ugh... but here I'm going to make an exception...

Passive voice is something like:

He was taken to the hospital by his friends

You have>>>>the WOMAN didn't answer.  

In contrast to the active voice:

His friends took him to the hospital.

It should read: The WOMAN doesn't answer.  She ignores him.  No response. Or something along those lines.  But I would argue -- that line is not needed, so I would lose it.  Pronto.

A doctor is seen examining SUMA.  Better as: A DOCTOR examines Suma.

So I could go on with that bit.  Within less then 45 seconds into reading your script, I'm already starting to check out as a reader.

Gotta remember, screenwriting is about what is happening at exactly this moment.  So use active verbs as often as possible. When they're completely inappropriate, skip them. That's the best advice I can give.

Helping her, AKITA takes her to her parent's bedroom. Helping who? Suma?  

Ok, then, which reads better; Akita helps Suma to her parent's bedroom.  No confusion there.    But I will argue this one as well -- I would lose that A/C description and just cut to them in her parents room.  Regardless, watch those pronouns.

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Quoted Text WOMAN Lets get it done and get going. I almost done. You?

Let's [do something] or Let us [do something], is used to form first-person plural imperatives and like other commands, the subject, we, is implied.

Lets on the other hand is an finite form of the verb "to leave" and the subject (third person, singular) must be explicitly stated (in standard English).

Based on that, it should be written, "Let's go."

If anyone ever has a question about "its" vs. "it's," just "un-contract" "it's" to "it is." Should never "with malice of forethought" screw that one up again.

Here we have direct address, which really ought to have the comma(s): Ok. Thank you, DOCTOR.

Suma's parents are central characters, right?  Don't be lazy.  Name them.  Wait, OM and SIMI.  Is that their names?   If so, do you not think it's important for the audience to know that? Don't wait until the last page to change their character CUE from MAN and WOMAN to OM and SIMI. Introduce them properly from the start.

There is nothing that says you can't use "CUT TO:" but as far as I'm concerned it's unnecessary in a spec.  You say why? Because your next slugline indicates the cut to thereby rendering it redundant, among other reasons.

Use of (V.O.) and (O.S.)

(V.O.) or VOICE OVER means the character is not usually seen on screen but we hear his voice conveyed over some kind of mechanical contrivance such as a telephone or tape recorder. The situation may be one where the character is thinking out loud. We will hear that character's voice on a pre-recorded sound tape while the camera is on the character. When someone is talking over the other end of the telephone, we would not see that person.

(O.S.) or OFF SCREEN or OFF STAGE means that the character is not seen on the screen but we hear him talking from another room in a house or from some adjacent area. In an (O.S.) situation the character is readily available to be on camera.

So Suma suffers from schizophrenia. But there's very little in the way she behaves in these pages that suggests this might be the case. Ok. Show us. Give us something to arouse our suspicions. I’m afraid a headache doesn’t cut it.  People take meds for all sorts of reasons.

Right now your big problems are that you're not telling this story visually really at all (which is entirely how screenplays are meant to be written), and your dialogue is too on-the-nose.  You have to do better. The characters are announcing stuff to me that feels robotic, rather than organic.  Take your problem, and make it an interesting reveal, rather than shoe-horning stuff in that violates the essential humanity of your characters.  

So I think your next course of action should be to persevere and strengthen your knowledge of the English language. Once you've done that, come back to the script and hammer it out.  I suggest watching a lot of American films in English and read lots of scripts written in English.   And more importantly, don't let my review of 'cookies' discourage you. Keep writing.

Ghostwriters you deserve a friggin medal for all the time you put into that....nice job!

Sorry Yuvraj, but you have made it incredibly difficult to feel anything in this screenplay because of the writing. There is no 'tone' as is, it hasn't been set.
Once its re written and is easier to read structurally and grammatically  then I might be able to get a proper grasp on the actual story and maybe feel something.

And as a new screenwriter it is important to not take critiques personally and get defensive...listen to what people have to say.  If everyone is saying the same thing. This means the screenplay needs work.

Good luck with it.