Sofa by Talaat Hassan - Short, Horror - {no logline} 1 page - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Story-wise, there isn't much here but it is an interesting visual. Curious to know what your plans are for this if it gets made. Almost thought it could be an ad for a phone.

One description confused me: "His hand is missing, replaced by a black void of nothingness." Not sure what to picture there.

Script sounds like a cinch to film. How the visual effects would be handled I'd be curious to know.

Talaat,

Very interesting premise. Loved it.

Looks like it's a part of something bigger. It will be interesting to see what happens next.

Quoted from Arundel One description confused me: "His hand is missing, replaced by a black void of nothingness." Not sure what to picture there.

Half of his arm is missing. But the visual is not gruesome. Instead, it's like someone erased his arm.

I'd recommend at least some form of a log line, even though this is only a page long.

Interesting premise -- things do seem to just disappear into the couch cushions; change, remote controls, etc. It's a neat visual, but that's all it really is. I can see an editor or special fx guy having fun with this. Would've been nice to see some sort of payoff or something... maybe the hand sticking out from the other side of the couch has the lost change and is playing keep-away or something, I dunno.

Decent for what it is, I guess.

-- Michael

Even if this is a micro-short, you still need a logline.

Fist slug can't be right. Are we supposed to be inside the sofa?

Could make for a decent little short film. Not bad at all, just doesn't really leave a lasting impression.

Give it a better title and an actual logline.