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Bee-El (currently 1834 views)
Don
Posted: August 23rd, 2020, 10:48am
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So, what are you writing?
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Bee-El by CJ Vecchio - Short, Horror - A young girl befriends something that's inside her closet. 8 pages
Production: Concept Teaser Trailer - pdf format Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.
Revision History (1 edits)
Don revised draft
eldave1
Posted: August 23rd, 2020, 11:04am
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Okay - scared me!
Reply: 1 - 39
Fais85
Posted: August 23rd, 2020, 11:22am
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Nice and creepy little short. Nothing to add much except a few typos.
Reply: 2 - 39
Yuvraj
Posted: August 23rd, 2020, 11:29am
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Nice little creep here, CJ!
Reply: 3 - 39
eldave1
Posted: August 23rd, 2020, 11:33am
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A real nitty issue, but you don't have to repeat info that is in your header in your descriptions. For example:
Quoted Text
EXT. SIDEWALK - MORNING
Don't need
morning i n the desciption. You already told us in the header.
Quoted Text
INT. KITCHEN - LATER
Don't need
kitchen in the description. You could also put apartment in the header.
INT. APARTMENT/KITCHEN - DAY
Quaint and tidy.
Okay - this was pretty effing creepy. Nice job.
Reply: 4 - 39
ChrisV
Posted: August 23rd, 2020, 2:05pm
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Okay - scared me!
Thanks, I always look forward to your feedback. The "Lettering"...I was going for a 9-year-old handwriting style since the real evil is Sabrina.
Reply: 5 - 39
eldave1
Posted: August 23rd, 2020, 2:12pm
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Makes sense.
Reply: 6 - 39
ChrisV
Posted: August 23rd, 2020, 2:13pm
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Nice and creepy little short. Nothing to add much except a few typos.
Thanks, Man!
Reply: 7 - 39
LC
Posted: August 23rd, 2020, 6:12pm
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Chris, very nice. Nothing to add that others haven't, typo-format wise. Oh, I would go easy on all caps in dialogue. The exclamation points serve the tone imh, but that's a nitpick and personal preference.
I balked a bit at the cleavage/arse line and then realised it's appropriate cause it's Bee-El's POV.
The suspense is terrific.
The little girl is nicely creepy.
SPOILERS below:
I did find the mother copping it in your denouement a bit anti-climactic but I guess you're doing a feature length with this and there'd be much more story in between?
Your video teaser scared the crap out of me.
Revision History (1 edits)
LC
Reply: 8 - 39
Geezis
Posted: August 24th, 2020, 4:35pm
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There's always a single malt waiting for you.
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Hi,
If at first you don't succeed........bribe someone.
Reply: 9 - 39
ChrisV
Posted: August 24th, 2020, 5:20pm
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Thanks...starting work on the Full Lenght Script. All your questions will be answered!
Reply: 10 - 39
ChrisV
Posted: August 24th, 2020, 5:21pm
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UPDATED VERSION ONLINE... using all the great feedback from you guys! XoXo
Reply: 11 - 39
ChrisV
Posted: March 1st, 2021, 6:52pm
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eldave1
Posted: March 1st, 2021, 6:56pm
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Reply: 13 - 39
Warren
Posted: March 1st, 2021, 7:05pm
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Congrats. Just read the script, this was bound to get snapped up. I enjoyed it.
Reply: 14 - 39
khamanna
Posted: March 1st, 2021, 11:45pm
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Woah, that was scary good! And congrats!
Reply: 15 - 39
spesh2k
Posted: March 2nd, 2021, 8:59pm
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Woo-hoo! It was inevitable that this would get made! Nice work!
Reply: 16 - 39
jwent6688
Posted: March 2nd, 2021, 9:04pm
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Good script. I can see why this is getting made. The trailer is enticing, too. Although I seem to recognize a snippet from Grave Encounters there.
VIDEO
Reply: 17 - 39
Kirsten
Posted: March 3rd, 2021, 11:33am
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Giving up is not an option....
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Haha...that was good....nice and creepy. The doll in post prod photo is nice n creepy. Looking forward to seeing it!
"Turn that off, our friend has just been killed in a fatal sunlight accident!"....
Reply: 18 - 39
Yuvraj
Posted: March 5th, 2021, 3:14am
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Congrats mate!! It was a sure shot to be made. Looking forward to it.
Reply: 19 - 39
ChrisV
Posted: March 5th, 2021, 3:31pm
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Good script. I can see why this is getting made. The trailer is enticing, too. Although I seem to recognize a snippet from Grave Encounters there.
Yes, I noticed that too...LOL. We are just using the CLOSET DOOR/HANDS part in the film.
My nephew made that for me
Reply: 20 - 39
Busy Little Bee
Posted: March 19th, 2021, 6:52pm
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Congrats.
Commodus: But the Emperor Claudius knew that they were up to something. He knew they were busy little bees. And one night he sat down with one of them and he looked at her and he said, "Tell me what you have been doing, busy little bee..."
Reply: 21 - 39
ChrisV
Posted: April 5th, 2021, 11:39am
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Yuvraj
Posted: April 5th, 2021, 12:11pm
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Warren
Posted: April 5th, 2021, 9:21pm
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Nice one, congrats.
Reply: 24 - 39
ChrisV
Posted: May 20th, 2021, 1:00pm
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Hey Everyone,
My horror short BEE-EL will be premiering at Crimson Screen Film Fest this weekend. Below is a password link (simplyscripts) and will only be TEMP.
https://vimeo.com/552621248 The short differs from the script a little due to budget, weather and only one day to shoot.
We will be in the Houston Horror and Indy PopCon next
HOPE YOU ENJOY IT!
Revision History (2 edits; 1 reasons shown)
Don
Reply: 25 - 39
Lono
Posted: May 20th, 2021, 2:42pm
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Dude.... The dolly shot starting at 2:09 was incredible, and the doll's arm moving? the hair on my neck stood up. Cudos to the FX team. Bee-El looks great in the reveal, reminds me of Darkness from Legend.
Congrats on a quality short man. May you have all the success you deserve.
Reply: 26 - 39
Warren
Posted: May 20th, 2021, 4:58pm
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Very impressive horror short, one to be proud of for sure. Congrats.
Reply: 27 - 39
ghost and_ghostie gal
Posted: June 4th, 2021, 4:04am
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Chris, you've got an impressive film on your hands here and, whilst humility goes a long way, humility and talent are a commodity in short supply. I'm sure it's getting all kinds of positive ink.
We wish you all the luck . Shout it from the rooftops. You earned the right. This is a great looking piece of work!
Reply: 28 - 39
ChrisV
Posted: June 10th, 2021, 12:55pm
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Thank you _ghostwriters, Warren and Lono for the kind words!!! <3
Below is a password link (LOWER CASE PW: simplyscripts ) and will only be TEMP.
https://vimeo.com/552621248
Revision History (1 edits)
ChrisV - June 11th, 2021, 11:16am
Reply: 29 - 39
LC
Posted: June 10th, 2021, 8:03pm
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Password doesn't work for me.
Reply: 30 - 39
ghost and_ghostie gal
Posted: June 10th, 2021, 8:15pm
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Password doesn't work for me.
Hey gurl, try again. It took me several attempts. Finally did the all small case lettering and it worked.
Reply: 31 - 39
LC
Posted: June 10th, 2021, 8:35pm
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Thanks, Gurl! Got it.
But apparently I was first going the dumb-blonde route by putting TEMP in.
Reply: 32 - 39
jwent6688
Posted: June 10th, 2021, 8:42pm
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Nice work, CJ. As mentioned that was an impressive dolly shot. That's a lot of track. The girl sneaking up on mom and pushing her in the closet was an unexpected screech moment.
VIDEO
Reply: 33 - 39
ChrisV
Posted: June 11th, 2021, 8:32am
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Thank you for your input...this was also my first time editing. I used Premiere Pro and after the 2nd "saved" draft I went and deleted some files on my hard drive to save some space. Well, I didn't know this (rookie), but I guess it also deleted the files on Adobe Cloud at the same time....making my 2nd draft my ONLY master copy and I could only ADD to it...WTF? That being said...you're 100% right on the wheezing and I also think the "cold" breaths, I wanted to tone them down or edit them, but couldn't.
Oh well...lesson learned for my next film
Revision History (1 edits)
ChrisV - June 11th, 2021, 11:11am
Reply: 34 - 39
ChrisV
Posted: July 26th, 2021, 1:02pm
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I won "Best Writer" at the Indie Horror Film Fest (Chicago) for my BEE-EL script!
I want to THANK SimplyScripts and all of you that helped me in this forum/thread, I would have never won without you! <3
Reply: 35 - 39
Yuvraj
Posted: July 26th, 2021, 1:52pm
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Amazing, Chris!!! Congrats!
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eldave1
Posted: July 26th, 2021, 3:53pm
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Congrats! Nice achievement
Reply: 37 - 39
Zack
Posted: July 26th, 2021, 4:34pm
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Congratulations, Dude! That's impressive!
Reply: 38 - 39
Warren
Posted: July 26th, 2021, 4:52pm
Of The Ancients
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Congrats on a quality short man. May you have all the success you deserve.
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