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I think there is an opportunity to add one additional oomph. That is when Jessup reaches the pharmacy - he discovers that another man has already just taken the last bottle - now the moral decision - does he steal/take it from him???
This is a good suggestion. Maybe the figure is the other man?
This is pretty good writing Warren. Very suspenseful. I like your flow, it's one of the trickiest things to get right IMO, nothing stalls, it moves nicely.
What I took from the story is that Jessup just ended up at the wrong place, at another cabin that just happened to have another Mother and child, it wouldn't be too far fetched. Was I correct in this assumption? It would add a layer of tragedy to it.
Thanks for the read, I'm glad you liked it.
It's not what I meant to happen, but you're the second person to think that so maybe it's up for interpretation.
A Warren short in the regular scripts section? Reminds me of when you'd throw a short up and it would get optioned in less than thirty minutes. Good times.
Very visual writing. I understood everything you wanted me too with the initial misdirection and it being a different family he's been talking to the whole time. I didn't make the final connection that both families are doomed. Makes sense that the antibiotics wouldn't work, but for some reason my brain didn't make that leap.
Anyways, was a fun read.
Ha, damn those were the days, they feel long passed now.
I think there are a few areas that need a bit of clarification on this one.
I think there is an opportunity to add one additional oomph. That is when Jessup reaches the pharmacy - he discovers that another man has already just taken the last bottle - now the moral decision - does he steal/take it from him???
Thanks, Dave
That addition would definitely be a great plot point, thanks!
Had to suss out the ending via the other readers' comments. I put that down more to me being rusty with script reading than the script.
It's a good little short, and I think Dave's suggestion is a good one that would add more oomph. It would also tie up the two families neater if Jessop takes the medication off the man (father to the other mother and son), and we see through a photograph of them together with the father exactly who he has deprived. Could be an arresting last image.
Had to suss out the ending via the other readers' comments. I put that down more to me being rusty with script reading than the script.
It's a good little short, and I think Dave's suggestion is a good one that would add more oomph. It would also tie up the two families neater if Jessop takes the medication off the man (father to the other mother and son), and we see through a photograph of them together with the father exactly who he has deprived. Could be an arresting last image.
Thanks for the read, that's an excellent way to go. I'm definitely going to use that.
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so maybe it's up for interpretation.
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