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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Horror  ›  Stench
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  Author    Stench  (currently 340 views)
Don
Posted: May 6th, 2021, 2:15pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Stench by Yuvraj Rajwanshi - Short, Horror - A woman tries to warn a man about the unpleasant smell coming from his house. 3 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



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Zack
Posted: May 6th, 2021, 2:22pm Report to Moderator
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Don't get it right. Get it written.

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Getting an error when I try to open this one.


An example of my writing...

FOR SATAN - short, horror, 14 pgs (revised draft) - A group of thrill-seekers explore a creepy old house on Halloween night. Think you know this story? Think again.
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SteveClark
Posted: May 6th, 2021, 2:48pm Report to Moderator
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Can I graduate?

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Love that title, though!


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Don
Posted: May 6th, 2021, 3:25pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Fixed!

- Don


Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

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You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
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Yuvraj
Posted: May 7th, 2021, 7:01am Report to Moderator
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Thanks, Don for posting.


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JEStaats
Posted: May 7th, 2021, 11:11am Report to Moderator
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No sh*t, there I was....

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Hey, Yuvraj - The title reeled me into reading this one and I'm not too disappointed.

-SPOILERS-

I liked the mystery around the stench, Katherine being the only one able to smell it, and her aggressive nature. I was somewhat let down with it being a dream but, don't get me wrong, it was done well.

Upon Scott's waking, I liked his progression around the house and into the basement - great description here.

What I think is the weakest aspect is Scott's last bit of dialogue. It just didn't seem to match the rest of the story. Too lighthearted here; it needs to be more sinister (my opinion).

Overall, I liked - good job
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Zack
Posted: May 7th, 2021, 12:32pm Report to Moderator
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Don't get it right. Get it written.

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Alright, gave this a read.

Yuvraj, your writing continues to improve, but you're not there yet. Quite a few typos, and your dialog is still pretty awkward. That said, your prose is easily understandable for the most part. I definitely say what you wanted me to see.

The actual story here isn't bad at all. Not groundbreaking or original, but it'd make for an effective short if filmed properly. Just needs a solid rewrite or two.

Did you mean to imply at the end that Scott is eating Kathrine's body? Dark stuff.


An example of my writing...

FOR SATAN - short, horror, 14 pgs (revised draft) - A group of thrill-seekers explore a creepy old house on Halloween night. Think you know this story? Think again.
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Yuvraj
Posted: May 8th, 2021, 6:53am Report to Moderator
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Thanks, guys, for reading and commenting.

Regarding the last dialog of Scott, I tried to show how casual and easy he is about his deed. He can do it again if possible. No big deal for him.

Thank you again.


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