I liked this one.

Although i was taken back by the knock on the door at the end... now we have a polite creature lol.

A few small issues to clean up but a great entry

A rather extreme way of dealing with neighbors who don't like the noise you make, but this a good cautionary tale, nonetheless. Unfortunately, it's rather unrealistic, since gunplay would more than likely be involved, at least here in the USA.

I’ll give you credit for something different here.  Not sure the two stories really tie together – in one, Tom is grabbed from under the bed, in the other, there’s a knocking at Nancy’s door.  In both cases, it feels like the story doesn’t necessarily have an ending, but I suppose we’re to make up our own ending. I guess that’s fine, just kind of wanted to know where you were going with it.  Still, good effort here.

Really good writing on display here, and effective. It took me a moment to realize the killer must have entered his apartment when he went upstairs, but the old lady didn't leave. Seems he didn't put up as much of a fight as his upstairs neighbor. And the knock made me understand it wasn't supernatural either, which was my first thought.

So, yeah, it hints at possibly more interesting directions before it comes crashing back to mundane reality. But as far as murdering floor after floor of people simply because they're more concerned about disturbances than concerned about the welfare of others goes, this one's quite good.

Simple and effective, ticks all the boxes and written well. My only gripe is the killer changes tact and instead of luring the next victim out of the apartment so he/she/it can sneak in they just bang on the door. If that had happened to the first guy, it wouldn't have been as interesting so just something to bear in mind there.

Just to tag onto what everyone has said... fix the inconsistency in the ending (the knock on the door) and this is sure to get made.

Good job.

Nice hook in the logline - now I want to know what’s going on up there.

Tightly written with a satisfying payoff.  The most effective and well-rounded I’ve read so far.  Maybe if it ended on the final couple preparing to go up to Tom’s apartment - as in the cycle repeating rather than the knock at the door?  Otherwise solid work.

I wish there was more!

The building spookiness was fun, but it may need another couple pages to breathe.

Nice work~

Writer,

Good writing, good build up. So-so reveal. Not bad, but not among the best. Good Try!

Steve

This started off strong for me and then it kind of fizzled out. I wanted more! Give me the other 5-8 pages of this short.

Writer, I hope you expand on this story and continue it as a full story.

A solid entry.

Thanks for reading, everyone. Like everyone else, I threw this together rather quickly and shabbily. But I'm glad people seem to like it.

I understand the "symmetry" everyone wanted in the story, with the killer doing the same thing to the lady as she did to the guy, but wouldn't that be expected? I thought of ending it with a blood drop hitting her head, but I dunno, just felt predictable. And the killer, at least in my mind, wasn't patterning the SAME EXACT mode of killing his victims from floor to floor. To me, it was just a killer reacting to potential witnesses.

But I did put an extra half hour -- which is a lot for me because I'm lazy -- into the 4-page version.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1qFRdcfdlVbmNW0X1VXSecwwjh4cdbJbA/view?usp=sharing

This is a good one.

Well written and nicely paced. You got a lot into the two pages, and the quality in scripts has largely correlated with the economy used twinned with a clear story and structure, as you would expect.

This is 100% one of the best entries.

Ooh, I didn't comment on this one.

Suffice to say, terrific job here, Michael.
I would have rather liked the blood dripping on Nancy's head.

Great as is. Looking forward to reading the 4 page version.

Okay, new version of the script is up (and moved to horror short section from the May challenge - also moved newer version of Bastard Saint to short horror section).

Nice! I see a lot of potential with this