Forgive Me Father by Anthony Cawood - Short, Horror - An old priest tries a new way of conducting confession. 3 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

I liked this one,  Anthony - I would like a little more time between the reveal and when she shows up in the office - I think there is pension potential in the Priest doing things like looking out his window for his car - panicking stuff.

I clearly have to look at genre before I start reading.

Ant, the set-up for this - Rose, with the permanent blush to her chubby cheeks, and then this rather jovial and humorous remark, below:

FATHER MAGUIRE
Donald, it's Father Maguire for your
Remote Confession, call me back and
you won't go to hell this week.

- I was all set up for a comedy. Silly me. Loved the idea (presumably during Covid) of the remote confessions.

Then thngs took a dark turn fast with the blowtorch.

Brings up an interesting topic re opening tone.
I just didn't think the latter half matched the opening (which brought to my mind at least,) a Vicar of Dibley vibe.
I'm not convinced Rose is even necessary in her present guise.

It could be argued you're going for levity in the first part as a complete midirect and to contrast the ensuing shock and mayhem, but it puts me squarely on the fence.

Will ponder...

I still think a remote cofessional is ripe for comedy.

Hey Libby and Dave - thanks for taking a look.

This was written for the recent May Challenge Round One, the round for the twist in the tale within 2 pages... didn't end up using this one.

I may well expand a little further and smooth the transition some more.

Quoted from AnthonyCawood Hey Libby and Dave - thanks for taking a look. This was written for the recent May Challenge Round One, the round for the twist in the tale within 2 pages... didn't end up using this one. I may well expand a little further and smooth the transition some more.

My pleasure

Awesome little script you got here, Anthony. Creepy and atmospheric, some great dialog and a satisfying ending. I do agree with Dave that you could slow this down a bit and build up the tension.

Still, I really enjoyed this.

Only been on here 5 days and already have a filmmaker looking to make this... not even had a chance to add it my own website yet!

Quoted from AnthonyCawood Only been on here 5 days and already have a filmmaker looking to make this... not even had a chance to add it my own website yet!

Nice!

Congrats, Dude! That's awesome!

Decent little short you have here, Anthony.

Congrats on having another script picked up as well

Show off.  

Seriously though, great stuff, Ant.

Awesome story! Well done.

Thanks to all for your continued and greatly appreciated support.

Nice work!