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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Horror  ›  Questions
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Don
Posted: June 20th, 2021, 6:49am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Questions by Bernard Antoine Mersier - Short, Drama - A man should never be questioned about his actions.  17 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



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Sarah
Posted: June 22nd, 2021, 1:01pm Report to Moderator
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For starters, I don't think it would hurt to give your characters some names. It got super confusing reading "?" "? light skin" etc. and it also establishes an unspoken balance within the character themselves.

At the very beginning, you have paragraph long monologue VOs- a script is a roadmap for the story yes? Consider the pacing. It'd likely be a solid 20-30 seconds of just watching a man smoke with no context. Could bore the viewer, turn them off to the film, or it could intrigue them.

With that being said... As I continued to read, I genuinely just have one question: who hurt you?


"If it can be written or thought, it can be filmed."

- Stanley Kubrick
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