This is a solid script and I think it could become a pretty freaky film. The crazy art aspect would be great onscreen. There is also a message about self obsession.

I was waiting for this to come full-circle, with Dana's art being on display just like we see at the beginning of the script.

It might be cool to have Dana come face to face with herself on the street and then back up into traffic. But that might take away from the final shot. Just thinking aloud here.

The scene in the grocery store is a little wordy and cumbersome.

Hey all,

Thanks for taking the time to read this script! I really appreciate all of the comments.

I understand the love story aspect was lost in this script, that was a secondhand thought after writing the initial story. The love aspect was still there, but wasn't played on enough, so I tried fitting it in the theme a bit more. Apparently, I still didn't do it right haha.

As for the sin, it was Pride.

Sean

Quoted from Don She by Sean Elwood (Zombie Sean) writing as Her - Short, Horror - An artist is haunted by a familiar face. - pdf format Writer interested in feedback on this work

Love the poster, Sean!  

Quoted from Grandma Bear Love the poster, Sean!

Thanks, Pia