Graft 'n' Craft by Alexander Luis Rodriguez - Short, Horror - Never run with scissors. Always get an adult to help you. And never take Richard the Cameraman for a fool… 4 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Hey Alexander,

I like the culmination/climax when we see what Richard has planned for his co-workers and we understand why. They’re bullies.

I think there’s an opportunity to set up the ending even more during character introductions. For example, it’s not revealed Richard is bald until the toupee appears, but he appears before then, but there’s no mention of him being bold. You can take advantage of that real estate and inform us how he’s bald because it matters to character and plot. Also, I would add ages for all of them. Simple additions.

For the ending, I like the OVER BLACK and crack. It’s a cinematic effect that could be used to open the short too.

OVER BLACK

“them talking during the break….”

Then cut to the studio and Aidan welcoming the audience back. That’s just one possibility. Congrats on knocking this out!

BLB

Appreciate the feedback thank you. Yeah i forgot to put their ages but basically the idea is that Aidan and Lucy are young and full of spunk where Richard is the 'been there done that' age - hence the baldness etc.