The Lobster, The Peregrine, And The Ladybird by John Stone - Short, Horror, Period - A Gruesome Murder Occurs During A Nightmare Scenario. 4 pages - pdf format

Production: Based upon the actual murder of Martha Tabram in 1888.

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Hi John

Well, that was a strange little story.

Thought it was creative, kinda like a Mary Poppins feel - like animated creature characters amongst the real London folk.

Probably a little too weird for me to get my head around but after reading your production note - it makes a little more sense.

Just wanted to pick you up on some of the writing though, I found it a difficult read at times.
For me, the writing was more complicated than it needed to be - I had to look a few words up here and there, where a much simpler word could have been used.

Some of the descriptions, like the one below, didn't seem necessary and kinda diluted the read for me.

'Their BULBOUS HEADS heads and tiny TRUNKS raised like TRUMPETS
within an orchestra’s brass section.'

I'm guilty of this kind of thing too. We just need to be careful not to distract the reader.

Anyway, interesting tale.

Cheers Colin

Thanks Colin.

Yes you are right there. I agree, I do tend to overstate. I should explain.

The Peregrine is a nightmare scenario of the ELEPHANT MAN and during his nightmare he sees little children with elephant trunks.

I will expand this screenplay so that the reader will know exactly what's materializing.

Cheers buddy, much appreciated.

Victorian slang:

                        Lobster - Soldier.  

                        Ladybird - Prostitute.
  

You're welcome John - Can see you're an Essex guy like me

Really? That's cool!