Very interesting premise and great job on handling so many characters at once. When your page limit is 10, it's pretty difficult to build character and make them stick out but you did a good job.
Now the nitpickyness: She taps some keys on her laptop and the sound of monotonous Latin chanting fills the air. BENJY That doesn't sound quite right.
How would a kid know what Latin is much less know if it's being played backwards?
RADIO Imminent third world war in Ukraine, me. Trump, me. Truss getting voted in and then resigning, me. And that's just the recent ones.
The Radio's voice bugged me a little. I highly doubt a demonic radio would think it's spooky to take credit for Liz Truss resigning. Maybe take credit for plagues, or murders, but not Prime Ministers resigning in a country that the kids aren't even in.
Overall, solid story. Thanks for participating! |