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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Horror  ›  Numbers - OWC
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  Author    Numbers - OWC  (currently 563 views)
AnthonyCawood
Posted: November 1st, 2022, 6:13pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks for all the comments and suggestions, always helpul.

I unexpectedly got some extra time on the Thursday, so decided to try and get two entries in, this was the one for Thursdsay and another one where I find the central premise of Numbers Stations fascinating and may revisit at some point.


Anthony Cawood - Award winning screenwriter
Available Short screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/short-scripts
Available Feature screenplays - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/feature-film-scripts/
Screenwriting articles - http://www.anthonycawood.co.uk/articles
IMDB Link - http://www.imdb.com/name/nm6495672/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
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DrFrank
Posted: November 3rd, 2022, 1:57pm Report to Moderator
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Very interesting premise and great job on handling so many characters at once. When your page limit is 10, it's pretty difficult to build character and make them stick out but you did a good job.

Now the nitpickyness:
She taps some keys on her laptop and the sound of monotonous
Latin chanting fills the air.
BENJY
That doesn't sound quite right.

How would a kid know what Latin is much less know if it's being played backwards?

RADIO
Imminent third world war
in Ukraine, me. Trump, me. Truss
getting voted in and then resigning,
me. And that's just the recent ones.

The Radio's voice bugged me a little. I highly doubt a demonic radio would think it's spooky to take credit for Liz Truss resigning. Maybe take credit for plagues, or murders, but not Prime Ministers resigning in a country that the kids aren't even in.

Overall, solid story. Thanks for participating!
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