Dinner With the Family by J.T. Grogan - Short, Horror - A timid man encounters a mysterious stranger, and is forced to make a life-altering decision when the stranger's sinister intentions are revealed. 8 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Hey J.T.,

That was bleak. Maybe too bleak. Might be a good idea to offer some hope of rescue say, even if only for it to be snatched away. Yeah, the outcome would still be horrible but at least it changes the tone temporarily as right now it just goes in one direction. Which is down. And sure, there’s a glimmer of hope for the girl, but as she doesn’t come in until the end I found it hard to care for a character who felt more like a plot device, plus I wouldn’t exactly trust the Stranger anyways.

Decent writing though!

Good luck with it.

Cheers

Max

Max, thank you very much for the helpful feedback. You're right in that the story may be too dark. Some kind of silver lining might be useful. Thanks for reading! Cheers.

Hey J.T.,

You're welcome. The writing is decent so it was an easy read... well, easy to make sense of but very dark haha

It's a tricky one. If I was you I'd be inclined keep it much as it is, but just tease the audience with the chance of escape if that makes sense?

Cheers

Max