SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is March 29th, 2024, 2:08am
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Produced Script Database (Updated!)
One Week Challenge - Who Wrote What and Writers' Choice.


Scripts studios are posting for award consideration

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production
Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Horror  ›  The Cornfield
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 7 Guests

 Pages: 1
Recommend Print
  Author    The Cornfield  (currently 287 views)
Don
Posted: February 19th, 2023, 12:41pm Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
16381
Posts Per Day
1.94
The Cornfield by Timothy Moore - Short, Horror - When a farmer is enjoying looking at his cornfield, he has no clue what horror is coming for him many yards away. 3 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
Logged Offline
Site Private Message
D.A.Banaszak
Posted: February 23rd, 2023, 10:40pm Report to Moderator
New



Location
Northeast, kind of.
Posts
198
Posts Per Day
0.45
The next time I get stuck in a thunderstorm, I’m going to be looking at the ground instead of the sky.

Your imagery and pacing moved the story along well.

However, I think the story was a little too short. It would have been scarier if the farmer had received some kind of cryptic warning not to do something, then did it anyway. For instance, if he found a shiny coin or medallion in the field and when he picks it up, a voice in the wind whispers, “Put it back.” He puts it in his pocket instead and at that point, the clouds form and so on.

Also, I don’t think a farmer would drop the F bomb. They tend to be church going Baptists who say things like “Criminy!”, “Dagblum!” and “Doggonit!”
Just a thought.

You follow most of the rules of Standard Format but the first mistake I found was that when introducing a new character, you need to type it in all caps. This also applies to extras.

Also,  your style could improve a little. For example:
You wrote “A farmer, who’s in his 40s, wears a…” could be a little more efficient. Most people would write: “A FARMER (40s), wears a …”.   It’s cleaner and reads more quickly.



Revision History (1 edits)
D.A.Banaszak  -  February 23rd, 2023, 10:46pm
Careless writing mistake.
Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 1 - 2
Timbo.82
Posted: February 24th, 2023, 10:43pm Report to Moderator
New


Posts
1
Posts Per Day
0.00
Thank you for reading my script and I do appreciate the tips. I will put those to good use on my future screenplays.

Tim
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 2 - 2
 Pages: 1
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Short Horror  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006