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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Romantic Comedy Scripts  ›  Honey
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  Author    Honey  (currently 133 views)
Don
Posted: July 18th, 2019, 5:41pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Honey by Rhys Hicks - Short, Romantic Comedy - An awkward teen's plan win the affection of her crush attracts his attention for all the wrong reasons.  10 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



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You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky

Revision History (1 edits)
Don  -  July 24th, 2019, 7:51pm
revised script
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Kirsten
Posted: July 23rd, 2019, 8:16pm Report to Moderator
Been around a while


Giving up is not an option....

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All I want to say is this is awesome. Great.job!  What adorable characters  and a sweet and entertaining story and well written.


"Turn that off, our friend has just been killed in a fatal sunlight accident!"....

'What we do in the Shadows.'
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Matthew Taylor
Posted: July 24th, 2019, 5:20am Report to Moderator
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Yea I enjoyed this as well - some good characterization, engaging story and tied it together nicely with a solid message - Confident Jock or awkward outcast, deep down we all want to be wanted.

I would take another look at your flashbacks, you take us into two of them, but don't take us out of any of them - they are confusing.

Nicely done


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eldave1
Posted: July 24th, 2019, 4:47pm Report to Moderator
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There are a few things I wouldn't necessarily do in my scripts (e.g., camera angles, etc.) - but - you obviously know what you are doing - so I'm leaving that alone.

SPOILERS

I liked this. Honey was an empathetic character and you got a lot out of her in ten pages. I liked the turnaround of Eric.

Nice job!


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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