Magic Mirror by Simon Parker - Short, Sci Fi, Fantasy - A magic mirror that allows the holder to see his happiest childhood memories is ruining his life, but he doesn't know how to let go. 9 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

A very good premise, I thought. (The mirror reminded me little of the Mirror of Erised). I was left with the impression, although it wasn’t clear to me by anything I read in the script, that Johnny was probably delusional. I think if you’d played this up it would have helped the tension and bring a little more depth to the story.
The biggest problem for me though was the dialogue/ interaction between Johnny and Iliza. It came across as very stilted and unnatural, very on the nose. This included the way they both delivered their own backstory. Also, I really felt that Iliza would not have acted in such an unprofessional way with regards to the mirror. If it were a friend or ex-girlfriend then that would have been more believable.
Great visual image with the various shards of mirror each one showing a different happy memory (Although it would be very difficult to shoot, I imagine).
Finally, I feel you need to re-consider the ending- there’s no twist, irony or any sense of closure to bring things to a close.
Sorry if this sounds negative. Like I said, it’s a great premise and I’m sure with a little work it could be an impressive short script.