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SUITCASE. THUGS. (CAPS) All relevant items should be capped
FAKE CASH is an example. GUN is another.
There's a noise? What noise? SFX:
This is just one page. Cannot continue due to too many issues.
My Screenplays Two Moons The Deadly Fruit Of Original Sin The Blue Room No Time For Love The Implosion Resistance The Pearl Earring The Bigger The Storm Before She Died
Putting on my writer's and filmmaker's hats on as I read.
As a reader and filmmaker, I have zero difficulty understanding your beginning slugs. I understand we're outside a warehouse and then we move indoors. INT/EXT is usually used when we use both locations back and forth. For example when a cop stops someone in a car and the cop is outside the vehicle while the driver remains inside, but our view changes between them. That way you don't need a new slug because you're focused on the cop outside and another when you move back inside the car where the guy is covertly getting a gun out from underneath his seat. But, it's not a big deal, really. The main thing is to make it easy for the reader to understand your script, so in the big scheme of things, either way is fine.
About the all CAPS words. Some don't use them at all. Some use them only for sounds. Some only for super important stuff. Few CAP every little thing which IMHO just makes the read annoying. But, just like with the INT/EXT thing, it's not really that important. We write for readers and as long as they understand the story, either way is okay.
As for this particular story, I didn't really care for it. Just not my thing, I guess. Group of thugs going to have fun/rape a woman, but they soon get their asses kicked instead. I also have a hard time seeing it produced since there's quite a bit of VFX needed, but who knows. If I were you, I'd try for some kind of ironic twist that drives home the "theme" of the story.
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Author
Kate
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