Delusion by Justin Swartz - Short, Thriller - A man believes he killed his wife, but can't remember doing it, and seeks a doctor's help. 15 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Well the logline seemed interesting, so I decided to check it out. Overall, you got the correct formatting down and I didn't really notice any spelling errors from what I read of it, so good job on that. But the biggest downfall for me, is that this is pretty much entirely driven by nothing by dialogue. And it some cases that's not necessarily a bad thing, but the dialogue read extremely unnatural and cheesy to me, very on the nose, etc... which I probably got to about page 4, skimmed through a few more pages after that and then just gave up. I don't really know what could be done to change it, maybe try and show more flashbacks, rather than just telling the story through dialogue? Maybe you could show his wife being murdered, but not showing us WHO is murdering her... or if you still decide to tell the story through dialogue, perhaps rewrite a lot of it so it sounds more natural.

Good luck with this though.