Quoted from Arundel Read this a few times, including once just the action, and once just the dialog. What's good is that it flowed with just the descriptions and also with just the characters talking. Unfortunately still kind of confused by the ending. Pieced it together enough to get the Jake was reliving his final conversation with Evan before... correct? Up until that it was pretty clear. As a shoot-it-yourself project you shouldn't have much trouble at all.

Thanks for the read, Rennie. Happy you enjoyed it.

I did not intend for Jake to be reliving his final conversation with Evan. More that Jake is just fuckin' crazy. Lol

Thanks again for reading.

Sorry for the late response. As usual, been swamped at work.

Quoted from LC Go, Zack! First impressions: nicely done. I actually thought these two guys were burying someone else (some hit they did together) and I thought the ensuing argument was going to lead to first the soil being shovelled in but it then being shovelled back out as the argument got more intense. Then obviously scrawny guy, oblivious, being smacked over the head and in he goes.  Your intended version (not the one where my head took it) is typically more supernatural. I do like Pia's suggestions with the visuals of bruising etc. I'm going to give it another read later, see if I can add anything productive. Great job.

Thanks for reading, Libby. Glad you enjoyed it. Will hopefully be filming this in the next month or so... So if any idea strikes you on how this could be improved in any way, please don't hesitate.

Quoted from Steven While I'm not qualified to actually critique, I will say just two things. The first being that there are a lot of commas, when maybe there doesn't need to be? One sentence had 4 I think it was. For the character introductions, there's no mention of how dirty they are. I'd assume if these dudes were digging a hole, they'd be a complete mess. At the very least they'd be sweaty and physically exhausted. Maybe I interpreted this wrong, but I saw the story as Jake burying the "other side" of him, which he calls Evan.

Thanks for read, Steven.

I tend to break up my sentences a bit more than usual with commas, sorry if it was distracting. Still trying to find the right balance.

Agreed on the characters need to be better decribed. Will fix that ASAP.

Yeah, you interpreted it wrong. Jake is just crazy and talking to the guy he just killed. Interesting idea though.  

Quoted from Matthew Taylor Well done for taking the plunge, Zack! Did you describe the Evan character as handsome because you will be playing him?

You know it, Dude.   Just kidding. Lol. I'll be behind the camera for this project.  

Quoted from MikeK Wow, was not expecting that ending. Great stuff. Keep up the good work

Happy it surprised you. Thanks for reading, Dude.

Quoted from Fais85 Very well done Zack. Initially, I thought Jake will attack Evan from behind and will kill him too in the end. But this ending was really surprising. I loved Pia's suggestions.

Thanks for the praise. Glad I was able to throw you off with the ending. And I agree about Pia's idea's. Good stuff.

Quoted from eldave1 I l liked this, Zack.  Nice job.

Thanks, Dave.  

I'm late to this party... and I have nothing to add.

Just know, I enjoyed this. It worked for me and I didn't see the end coming.

Since you're shooting this yourself, I didn't even read it for formatting, etc. I only read for story. Figured the other stuff was inconsequential if you're not going for a sale.

Can't wait to see the finished short. (Have fun digging that hole!)

Quoted from PKCardinal Just know, I enjoyed this. It worked for me and I didn't see the end coming. Can't wait to see the finished short. (Have fun digging that hole!)

Thanks for reading, Paul. Stoked you enjoyed it. Wanna write another draft of this before I film it. And no, I'm NOT looking forward to digging that hole. Lol

On a seperate note, I've had 3 different emails asking about this scripts availability. Since I'm planning to shoot this myself, I'm unsure how I should respond to these requests. Should I let multiple different filmmakers use this?

Hey Zack,

Liked this one. Pretty dark with a solid twist. Only nitpick is that last line and him spitting in the grave was maybe a bit too vicious. I mean, he murdered him so obviously he's capable of being that vicious. Just thought he might pull back a bit there and say something like "Guess you did help me in the end, Evan". Or some other little call-back to an earlier line. That's a very minor nitpick though and probably just personal preference.

Good luck with the filming.

Quoted from MarkItZero Hey Zack, Liked this one. Pretty dark with a solid twist. Only nitpick is that last line and him spitting in the grave was maybe a bit too vicious. I mean, he murdered him so obviously he's capable of being that vicious. Just thought he might pull back a bit there and say something like "Guess you did help me in the end, Evan". Or some other little call-back to an earlier line. That's a very minor nitpick though and probably just personal preference. Good luck with the filming.

Thanks for the kind words, James.

I actually agree with on the final line not being very good. I need to think on that. Any more suggestions?

Quoted from Zack Any more suggestions?

None that would be remotely good. Maybe the line is fine. Could always try out some different things on the day of the shoot. Let your actors improvise a bit, maybe they'll hit on something.

Quoted from MarkItZero None that would be remotely good. Maybe the line is fine. Could always try out some different things on the day of the shoot. Let your actors improvise a bit, maybe they'll hit on something.

I'm sure something will come to me. Thanks again for reading, Dude.

Quoted from Zack On a seperate note, I've had 3 different emails asking about this scripts availability. Since I'm planning to shoot this myself, I'm unsure how I should respond to these requests. Should I let multiple different filmmakers use this?

Such a problem!

As I'm not experienced with that particular conundrum, I don't have much to offer in advice. But, my gut says tell 'em your plan and let 'em film if they want. If it comes out great, then scrap your plan to film and write another. If it doesn't meet your vision, film it yourself.

But, if they've got plans to take the short to festivals, they may not want anyone else filming the same script. I know I wouldn't.

Bury The Truth has been produced. I'm pretty satisfied with how it turned out.

Good job Zack!

That was quick!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nice, Zack. Congrats. Simple and effective. I like the guy playing, Jake. He’s a good actor. Where was this shot?

Thanks for watching, Pia.

You too, Steven. I was also really surprised how good the acting was. This was shot in Cincinnati, Ohio.

Nice work here. Difficult to shoot outside in the dark, thought they did a nice job simulating the moonlight. Added some fog as well. Jake reminds me a bit of Jesse Pinkman (Aaron Paul) a bit. He’s a good actor. He can really throw some hatred into his dialogue. You should be proud of this one. Nice to have on your resume.


James

Thanks for watching, James. Very proud to have my name attached to this.