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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Thriller Scripts  ›  Thieves  On Bicyles
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  Author    Thieves  On Bicyles  (currently 213 views)
Don
Posted: June 11th, 2022, 4:46pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Thieves On Bicycles by Nadine - Short, Thriller, Crime, Action - 28 minute, Short Heist Movie about four criminals who use their bicycles to steal. 29 pages - pdf format

New writer interested in feedback on this work, please be nice


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LC
Posted: June 11th, 2022, 9:06pm Report to Moderator
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Hello, Nadine...?

Hopefully you'll see this feedback - and links some of us have posted before.

Your scripts need to be formatted according to Industry Standard formatting.

https://screenwriting.io/what-is-standard-screenplay-format/

Free screenplay software:
https://www.scriptreaderpro.com/free-screenwriting-software/

There are tons of amateur and professional screenplays to download on this very site.

Handy hints. There are also tons of writer resources on the Internet, including professional screenplays you can download.

https://www.storysense.com/for.....e%20sentence%20of%20

You're pumping these stories out but very few people are going to read them in their current state.

This:

KERRY
Yeah,  well  me  and  Pip  are  gonna  be  retiring  soon…we  need  some  of  that money  for  our  wedding!


Should look more like this (below).

                                KERRY
               Yeah,  well  me  and  Pip  are  gonna
               be retiring soon. We need some of that
               money for our wedding!

You've got big spaces between dialogue and description.
Your scene headers should be written like this:

INT. AEROPLANE - DAY

PIP
Yeah  (nods  her  head).

Should be:

          PIP
(nods her head)
       Yeah.

Not convinced you need a wrylie there though.

Delete your DISSOLVE TO headers.
Just start a new scene.

Delete ALL CAPS.

Delete your last page, nothing is written on it.

Your title page should be a page on its own and contain your contact info, copyright, and date, at least.
Screenwriting software will enable this easily.

Hope you to see you make an appearance here.




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