I have to agree with Scoob's point about their introductions - to me at least they sound more like an AA meeting more then anything, you know.

"Hello, my name is Joe... lOl.

Update:

Part 2's treatment is being drafted right now, some new characters have been added and I'm in the middle of fleshing out the characters.

this is pretty good

Its been a while my friends, it has been a while.
I know its been a long time and most of you are probably not interested in this anymore. (but we hope you are )
This script is almost complete and will be out soon.
If you read part one and liked it... you have no clue what you are in for with part two.
Part two being the darkest of all.
Will sure deliver the drama and scares right before your eyes.

This script rocked! I love all your writing... Keep it up bro...

Since I want to see how this end I'm updating part 1. I should have it reedited soon.

I changed Joe from a guy to a girl, since we seem to have a lack of women. The AA meeting dialogue has been changed and the action is better defined.

The second part should be done in July. I've always wanted to see how this ends and I figured, yes it's been awhile, but better late then never.

I just resubmitted this a few minutes ago. Still needs a lot of work, though.

i really liked the story you are telling.... but your dialogue...if i'm being honest - it sucks. its wooden and stilted - everyone talks like robots. theres no realness to it. you need to find someone who can write good dialogue and have them help you give this story a once over.

bad dialogue can be excused if you have a great story to tell (IE  Star Wars) however the bad dialouge is outweighing the good story you have here.....

just shooting you straight.

Why did I not even know about this?

Sorry about that man, if you'd like I'll send you what I have of part II. I think since our writings improved we should revisit and revise this.

Quoted from Antemasque Why did I not even know about this?

and that's a rhetorical question.... common with sarcasm and generally smartass remarks.


did you know that one?  

No it was not. I was serious. Did you know that one?

Quoted from Antemasque No it was not. I was serious. Did you know that one?

yeah, okay dude...

Quoted from Herodreamer79 yeah, okay dude...

Mhm. Since I created this script with the help of Topher but heard nothing about what he was doing to it. Just a minor question of what exactly was going on.

So before you bitch... yet again. Think and refer to past facts to see if your statement can hold.

Thank you.

Quoted from Antemasque Mhm. Since I created this script with the help of Topher but heard nothing about what he was doing to it. Just a minor question of what exactly was going on. So before you bitch... yet again. Think and refer to past facts to see if your statement can hold. Thank you.

i read your script and commented on it... comments i later found were genrally in the vein of what everyone else has been saying...

i figured being this is your script you would know that.... hense me feeling your comment was rhetorical...

so before you bitch again... refer to past comments to see if your statement holds

thanks