Glam: A Rock and Roll Fantasy by Tomas W. Beaumont - Thriller - A frustrated would-be rock singer has become disillusioned by the state of popular music. Nobody seems interested in the 1980s style rock music he favors, and he begins to lash out violently. The stakes soon increase as he meets two dangerous criminals who feel the same way. Will they be able to "take the music back", or will the LAPD stop them in time? 145 pages - doc, format

Just finished.   Crazed hair metal fans wreaking revenge on those who have done thier favorite music wrong.  I love the concept!  Really a good idea.

You need to do a little more showing, and less telling.  For instance, you tell us in the screenplay that it's Shay's parents house.  You should find a way to show us.  ANd you should hold it off as long as posible.  In general, you should tighten up your despcriptions and your dialouge.  YOu characters, the cops in particular, talk a lot.  if you tighten it up you can probably cut ten to twenty pages from your screenplay.

LAstly, I think the murder of the store clerk is a little too gory.  It's a bit out of tone with the rest of piece.  I would try to make it a little more jokey, snd something more hair metal related.   When they killed the Exec, I thought they were just going to force him to listen to Crue so loud that it blew hi brain out.  That would be kind of funny.  And I'd make the Gennex killing the last, so that the violence escalates, as they get more out of control.

Overall, I think it's a good ides.  Stick with it and I look forward to seeing the next draft!