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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Thriller Scripts  ›  Pent Moderators: bert
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Don
Posted: October 25th, 2009, 2:18pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Pent by Alex Wasowicz - Thriller - A man imprisoned in a box for reasons unknown gradually goes insane. 90 pages - pdf, format


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Don  -  December 9th, 2009, 8:06pm
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ghost and_ghostie gal
Posted: November 14th, 2009, 7:27pm Report to Moderator
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Alex...

What is this?  Is this a script?   This a rejected episode of the Twilight Zone... Tales from the Crypt.  

A SERIES OF BAD SHOTS:

I look up at the ceiling...
I look around confused...
I regain...
I lose focus...
I Examine...
and your list goes on and on man.  Not too mention all the voiceovers, TIRESOME and reading ten pages was TEDIOUS.

No character developement... no structure... nothing.  FADE TO BLUE:  that's a first for me.  CUT TO... CLOSE ON:  You even have your sluglines in bold and your title in brackets.

I left out all your grammical errors.  This is not the way you do things.  Anyone else with the slightest inkling of how scripts are written can take this and do it a whole lot better then what you've got here.

Read some screenwriting books.  Read some scripts.  Seek advice on how screenplays are done.

No one is going to read this, I only took on this endeavor to offer you some honest feedback.  We can't have you thinking, this is the correct way to do things.  And I hope you do pop back up, to take a look.

Good Luck

Ghostwriter22


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