Hey Yosef, thanks for giving this a look.  This is actually an old draft, and if you're only 20 pages in, I could/should shoot youu the latest, final draft - let me know via PM, as I should have my computer set up tomorrow afternoon.

I've been travelling cross country from WI to AZ this week and jut in this morning.  Moving into a new houuse tomorrow and starting a new job next Monday - lots going on but I am thrilled to be back and rfeady to start living life again after being unemployed for a LONG TIME!

Hope you like the script.

I don’t usually do this, but I feel the need to for this script: THERE WILL BE SPOILERS.

First off, Dreamscale: you suck. You heard me, you suck. I had that song stuck in my head for an entire day. So yeah, you suck.

I liked the script. I wanted to know what’d happen next. Not that I wanted to continues reading, but I was genuinely curious about the plot.

The single most powerful moment for me was the moment where Jack’s retailing of his memories veered from what he was telling Addington. Good stuff.

I liked the various twists and turns so that nothing stood out as obvious. There were no obvious red-herrings. I also like the setup of the dragonfly to prepare the reader for supernatural possibilities.

I liked that the fates of Jack and Addington weren’t given. No thriller should end neatly.

I also really like the closing montage of Jack and Mitch.

I think I should note that I remember all of the names of the main characters. I’ve never done that before. I usually forget most of them the moment I put the script down. Good job.

I did have a few issues.

• The mother told Addington that it wasn’t too late to save the girl. I realize that the mother is used to prep the reader for supernatural things, but she shouldn’t be wrong. If she has spiritual insights, they should be right. I realize that you can’t say Julie is dead, but you can say something like, “she needs you to find her.”
  
• Would workers at a place that really try to rob or rape people that could return to their boss?
  
• I had no idea what a moke was. Not that you need to add a full description, but you could put in some small like about them being small, open-topped, jeeps.
  

Overall, I liked it and would watch the movie.

Utter bulls**t , I'm supposed to feel sorry for a guy who hangs out on the beach all day and has flashbacks of traveling to Vegas. Suddenly my life is boring. Serious though, great job Jeff at story telling. I was sucked in from the beginning through to the end. Later man

Hey Conrad, sorry for not responding earlier - hey, wait...I did respond earlier, but it was on a different thread.  

Anyways, as I did say earlier, thanks for reading.  I'm glad you enjoyed it.  Especially happy the dragonflies worked for you, as IMO, they were an integral part here.  As for the names of the characters, I spent quite a bit of time coming up with all the Bajan names, and did some research and then chose names that sounded like each character.  Addinton is one of my faves.

I look forward to reading one of your scripts when you get them all worked out.  Take care, man.

Hey DV, thanks for giving this a look.  I appreciate it.  As I keep saying, I really need to submit the latest final draft, as there are a few rather important changes.  Glad you enjoyed it.

Let me know when you get a script completed and I'll give it a read.

Just finished this, Jeff. I remember you sent me an updated draft early this year so I gave it a read.

I'll be brief. I enjoyed this, a lot actually. The ending is really my favourite part, great job there.

Better than Fade to White I should mention, at least IMO .

One thing I'll mention is that the first 40 pages or so were such a drag to get through. I literally shifted every 5 pages into a different position, just waiting until I got to a good part.

Solid script, Jeff.

Hey Mo, thanks for reading.  Glad you liked it.

Bummed you sloggged through the first 40 pages, but as you probably know, I always backload my scripts and feel it's most important to end on a high note.  I didn't intend on boring you during the first 40 though.

I appreciate the read, man.  Very cool.  As you know, I was very impressed with your latest effort.  Way to go, bro!

The first 40 pages weren't that bad but I'm easily distracted. If the writing here sucked badly, I would've quit already but it didn't and you, or anyone, could see this was from a good writer.

Also -- "You like what you see?  I definitely
like what I see.  You wanna eat my
baby pussy?  She's all yours."

. An iconic line from your scripts, Jeff. I swear to god I've seen this more than once in your scripts and it makes me laugh every time.

Thanks, Jeff! I'll be rewriting it this week and then posting it to SS. I've got a clear idea what I'm doing thanks to you and Coop.

You've only heard that line in other threads.  This is the only one actually in a script...as far as I know.

Funny...my favorite line for sure!

http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-collaborate/m-1246660936/s-0/

Here's one. I found this a while ago when I was looking through past killer game entries.

Mo, thank you...that is hilarious!  I forgot all about that.  I've even got the exact same named main character in that Lake Simply thing.  Maybe I channeled this game for Unforgettable?  I don't know.  That sure was one horny, sexually explicit game!  damn...

Jeff, duder, you're just gonna have to send me your latest draft, man. (I got half way through this, and because of certain circumstances, could never finish it)
And while you're at it, send me your latest draft of Fade to White.

Happy Holidays, bro.  I'm on it.

Hey Jeff -

Send me your latest draft of this as well!

Thanks bro.

ONEY

A little upbeat light Holiday reading, coming your way, bro!

Hey, how's your script coming?  Looking forward to checking it out.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!!

Hey man -

I haven't forgotten about this one!  Everytime I get around 20 pages or so I get really busy or someone/something distracts me.  I hate that, especially with this sort of script - I get the sense I MUST pay attention to lots of little things lol.  

Happy New Year man.

ONEY