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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Thriller Scripts  ›  Evil In The Eye Moderators: bert
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  Author    Evil In The Eye  (currently 1485 views)
Don
Posted: November 9th, 2010, 7:40pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Evil In The Eye by Darren J Seeley - Thriller - A tornado traps three people in a damaged building of which there is no escape.  The killer wakes up first. 86 pages - pdf, format


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Mr.Ripley
Posted: November 17th, 2010, 6:19pm Report to Moderator
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Hey Darren,

Read five pgs.

The whole "Crimewatch" segment you have going on there needs a bit more work. For instance, try adding dialogue during and in between the scenes. You're purpose is to tell Alex's story. However, we, the reader, are presented with only images that only tell part of the story. Try using officers and Sarah to help explain and tell whats going on in those scenes. Shows like 24 or America's Most Wanted use this style where they intercut scenes with interviews with people who are related to the crime. Copy them. Hope this makes sense.  

I'm still going to read more but just needed to get his down.

Hope this helps for now,
Gabe
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