SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is March 29th, 2024, 10:27am
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Produced Script Database (Updated!)
One Week Challenge - Who Wrote What and Writers' Choice.


Scripts studios are posting for award consideration

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production
Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Thriller Scripts  ›  Take This Probe and Shove It Moderators: bert
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 5 Guests

 Pages: « 1, 2 : All
Recommend Print
  Author    Take This Probe and Shove It  (currently 5296 views)
LC
Posted: July 11th, 2011, 12:42am Report to Moderator
Administrator



Location
The Great Southern Land
Posts
7584
Posts Per Day
1.34
Charles, I'm sure people will be happy to critique your script... but it's quid pro quo on SS, which means if you give some other people some reads they'll reciprocate.


Logged
Private Message Reply: 15 - 22
mcornetto
Posted: July 11th, 2011, 1:20am Report to Moderator
Guest User



LC is correct Charles and you can even initiate the exchange by posting on the script review exchange board.

http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-goose/
Logged
e-mail Reply: 16 - 22
bert
Posted: July 11th, 2011, 6:59am Report to Moderator
Administrator


Buy the ticket, take the ride

Location
That's me in the corner
Posts
4232
Posts Per Day
0.61

Quoted from Charles Martin
I am still awaiting comments from anyone who reads the entire screenplay.


And you are still putting the cart before the horse, Charles.


Quoted from Charles
If you just wish to comment on how bad the opening is and how it just makes it impossible to read further, please don't.


That IS the feedback -- for now.

You are very unlikely to get any reader to slog through 117 pages of a script that does not follow the conventions of scriptwriting.  It makes reading too difficult, when there are literally thousands of properly-formatted scripts around here seeking readers -- just like you are.

Think about it this way; say I were to give you a novel, in which every third word was printed upside-down -- and then tell you, "Please just comment on the story, because everybody has already told me that every third word is upside-down."

Wouldn't you say, "Well, please fix that problem first -- then perhaps I will read it."

That is kind of an extreme example, of course, but this is what people are telling you.


Hey, it's my tiny, little IMDb!

Revision History (1 edits)
bert  -  July 11th, 2011, 7:12am
Logged
Private Message Reply: 17 - 22
ajr
Posted: July 11th, 2011, 7:53am Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Posts
1482
Posts Per Day
0.28
Brilliant as usual, Bert. You are the smartest man I know and I hate you for it...

(0:

Seriously though Charles, Bert is correct. And think of it another way - part of screenwriting is discipline. And producers and agents look for that. It's a job, and these professionals are going to seek out those at the top of their field. EVERYONE has ideas; the trick is to package them properly, in a readable and entertaining form, and in industry standard format so that industry insiders can compare apples to apples...

As for numerous spelling mistakes, that again is a lack of discipline - it tells the reader that you don't care enough to put the time in and that your story should stand on its own merits. That works for Spielberg and Cameron - not the rest of us. After all, if you don't care enough to get your own work in perfectly readable form, why should someone care enough to give you millions of dollars to produce it?

AJR


Click HERE to read JOHN LENNON'S HEAVEN https://preview.tinyurl.com/John-Lennon-s-Heaven-110-pgs/
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 18 - 22
Grandma Bear
Posted: July 11th, 2011, 8:22am Report to Moderator
Administrator



Location
The Swamp...
Posts
7961
Posts Per Day
1.36
You got some reads from a few people at MP.

I don't know how much Script Savvy charges, but you might want to get http://screenplayreaders.com/  a try. It's still paying money, but $59 is a pretty fair price and you get about 5 pages of notes including a RECOMMEND, CONSIDER or PASS which will give you an idea of how an agency might look at your script since the readers there are studio and agency readers.  


Logged
Private Message Reply: 19 - 22
Trojan
Posted: July 12th, 2011, 5:28am Report to Moderator
New


Location
Australia
Posts
393
Posts Per Day
0.07

Quoted from Charles Martin
I am still awaiting comments from anyone who reads the entire screenplay. I would really appreciate them. If you just wish to comment on how bad the opening is and how it just makes it impossible to read further, please don't. Pretend it's an adaption of a novel if this helps and give me advice accordingly. Don't just disregard entire story because I used incorrect formatting and a few typos occur. The Story is supposed to be the most important thing in a script so comment on that. I am not saying what to critique and what not to but I do need advice on the whole screenplay,not just the first few pages. I realize everyone is busy and no one is being paid for their criticisim's so all I can say is, Everyone's comments will be appreciated and the ones already made albiet some showed their elitest colors are recognized and I am thankful.


It's not just the opening here that is the problem. It's the whole script. The mistakes you make on the first page are continued on every page. If you want the honest truth, this script is terrible. I'm not saying that to be rude, but you don't seem to realise how important it is to write a screenplay that is attractive to read. Nobody will read this whole script in its current state. It's not a few formatting issues or typos. It's huge, utterly never-ending chunks of text that scream 'Don't Read Me!!!'

Have you heard the guidelines about keeping your prose to three or four lines max? I would hazard a guess that you haven't, as you have descriptions that are over 20 lines long!! Seriously, you couldn't make it less appealing to read if you tried.

If you have a story buried somewhere in there, that's great. Now spend your time learning how to tell it in a way that gets people excited. At the moment it's a bit like someone stumbling through a joke, messing up the whole setup and then when no one laughs at the punchline, saying 'well, guess you had to be there'. The story might look great inside your own head, but you need to convert that to on paper.

Everyone is telling you the same thing, so don't dismiss the advice. Having the attitude that people are being elitist by pointing out the biggest problems in your work is not going to take you very far.

Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 20 - 22
mcornetto
Posted: July 12th, 2011, 5:35am Report to Moderator
Guest User



Charles,

I'm the first to say do what you need to do creatively.  And if it's for your own enjoyment then do it how you want and fuck everyone else.  You can ask anyone on this site and they will say 'Yep, that's Michael'.

However, if you want other people to enjoy the fruits of your creativity then you have to make concessions to what they need from it as well.  In this case that's readability.  Everyone, and not just here, has told you they need that.  Please just break up those action blocks and be done with it.
Logged
e-mail Reply: 21 - 22
triband
Posted: July 28th, 2011, 6:58am Report to Moderator
New


Posts
4
Posts Per Day
0.00
read the first 10 pages, I actually laughed with the dad in the toilet, reminded me of the royale family, but then, I was saddened by the horrible way in which they were tortured, then the jump of years out of no where, its all a little confusing, i will try to get through the whole thing, im just reading through the first 10 pages of each script at the moment, as people said, its help each other on this board
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 22 - 22
 Pages: « 1, 2 : All
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Thriller Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006