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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Thriller Scripts  ›  Checkmate Moderators: bert
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Don
Posted: October 30th, 2013, 4:44pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Checkmate by Tony Silvera - Thriller -  In the game of Chess "Checkmate" means make a move or your dead. In this film, characters get a real understanding of this term. 94 pages - pdf, format


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Revision History (2 edits; 1 reasons shown)
Don  -  October 16th, 2014, 12:27pm
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Ledbetter
Posted: October 30th, 2013, 4:49pm Report to Moderator
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I might crack this open but the logline does worry me a bit.

That's not what checkmate means...

It typically means a move is impossible without defeat.

Or to defeated with no move availible or possible.

You might want to revisit this and resubmit the logline.

Just a suggeation my friend.

shawn.....><
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Lon
Posted: October 30th, 2013, 4:51pm Report to Moderator
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Also, misspells in the logline don't bode well for the script itself (your instead of you're).  Just saying.
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J.S.
Posted: October 30th, 2013, 5:12pm Report to Moderator
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This reads more like it was meant to be a stage play than a screenplay--the action lines, the dialogue.

If this is suppose to be a screenplay, it's got a lot of issues.
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CoryMcCoy
Posted: November 8th, 2013, 8:46pm Report to Moderator
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I must admit, trouble at the logline wasn't a good start for me. As Shawn said you have the meaning of checkmate wrong. Having an editor go over this to look for grammatical and spelling errors wouldn't hurt. I also felt as if, in the first few pages anyway, the dialogue was very contrived... It didn't feel very natural or was predictable. It's still a very good effort! I am still a noobie at all this stuff too, so, I could very well be wrong. I will give it a full read through this weekend and let you know more of what I think! good effort and good luck with this project!


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DustinBowcot
Posted: November 9th, 2013, 2:43am Report to Moderator
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I think he means 'check'... but it's still a very childish way of looking at it. The King can not be killed for one thing, nor taken if you want to look at it like that. He is simply defeated.
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