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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Thriller Scripts  ›  That Which Cuts Deep Moderators: bert
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  Author    That Which Cuts Deep  (currently 3464 views)
DustinBowcot
Posted: February 4th, 2014, 7:27am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Scoob
No,no, Lee!!!
No mate, please, Don't give up. My message has been misunderstood, I'm sorry. In no way am I saying you are shit.

I'm not saying that at all.

I am just being honest as I read. I am sorry, I could have put my points across more delicately but we're only on page one and you can handle a little negativity. Come on dude. Sort it out, mate.

You're gonna have to if you want to succeed in this game. Scriptwriting or novel writing. You're gonna feel destroyed at several points.  Name of the game, I'm afraid.

I've read ONE PAGE.
I'm offering advise to make it better. It's probably brilliant as it is. You don't have to take my advise, man! It's just my thoughts. But I'm not gonna lie and tell you a load of shit. I think the first page works. It could be better.

I have no evil intentions to destroy other writers! I want you to do well, man. Just man up and learn. You have potential to be a great writer, don't rush it.






I agree with this entirely... I am the same.

The real work is in the rewrites and they hurt... sometimes they really, really hurt. But that's what a real writer is... perfection comes over time. As I'm saying this, I'm also telling myself... as I'm posting here right now rather than tackling a rewrite on an epic. Epics are hard, more characters, thicker plotline, but the pay-offs are greater if it sells. Real headache on the rewrites though. So with that, I'm going to tuck into mine.
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Leegion
Posted: February 4th, 2014, 8:02am Report to Moderator
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I've rewrote this like 7 times, lol.  It was Maverick, then there were 4 versions of Deep, followed by a 6th draft that I never finished, then this.

Not saying it doesn't work.  Just saying, it needs something extra, and I don't know what that is right now.  I'm thinking "low-budget" for it, hence the slow crawl.

Gonna leave this on the fence for a bit, see if I can magic something.  Maybe Rewrite Fracture finally, who knows.

I'm writing an epic at the minute too, Dustin.  Been on it a while.  Check the WiP section for more information on it.  

I'm also in the early stages of planning the sequel to my EPIC novel, Age of Shadows 2.  Thinking of adapting Book 1 into a script too.

418-pages into 120 or less... I've got a lot to cut out, HAHA.  
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DustinBowcot
Posted: February 4th, 2014, 8:47am Report to Moderator
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Rewrites don't always make things better. Plus a rewrite is still a first draft that needs polishing. Look through for typo's, overwriting, etc. Every single sentence, every line of dialogue. Break your script into sections and analyse the pHuck out of it. Forget the story, concentrate on the writing.

Also 120 pages is OK for an epic, you could probably get away with a few more... but there are assholes with their supposed rules on specific page counts that are annoying. Personally, I don't listen to them.
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NickSedario
Posted: February 4th, 2014, 8:54am Report to Moderator
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Epics are a hard sell for an unsigned writer.  Might wanna set your sights a little lower, Lee, till you make that first sell.   Then you can go balls out.

Just sayin'...
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Leegion
Posted: February 4th, 2014, 9:34am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from NickSedario



Epics are a hard sell for an unsigned writer.  Might wanna set your sights a little lower, Lee, till you make that first sell.   Then you can go balls out.

Just sayin'...


Horseman's epic, but it's very low-budget.  I imagine the only thing that might cost a lot would be Death's customized Harley.

But yeah, going ultra-low for my first one (like $200,000 - $500,000).  Decaying World, Bleak Falls and this are in that category.

Depends on how I'm feeling really.
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Leegion
Posted: February 4th, 2014, 9:36am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from DustinBowcot
Rewrites don't always make things better. Plus a rewrite is still a first draft that needs polishing. Look through for typo's, overwriting, etc. Every single sentence, every line of dialogue. Break your script into sections and analyse the pHuck out of it. Forget the story, concentrate on the writing.

Also 120 pages is OK for an epic, you could probably get away with a few more... but there are assholes with their supposed rules on specific page counts that are annoying. Personally, I don't listen to them.


I went at 145 pages once.  But these days, I try to keep everything under 120 as a specific rule for my own storytelling, otherwise I tend to babble a lot.

The last 2 scripts I've penned were 93 and 107 pages in length.  Maybe I could tidy Deep up a little, bring it down to 85 - 90 pages.

Now I'm babbling again, lol.  One script at a time, Lee, focus.
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Leegion
Posted: February 5th, 2014, 1:44am Report to Moderator
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I've asked Don to remove this and all of my other scripts.  This is because I have flooded the site and wish to take some time away, to rethink my stories and work harder on them.

I could crank out 1 script every 2 weeks all the time, and that's the problem.  I crank 1 out per 2 weeks, which is far too much, far too often.

I don't take my time, and that's about to change.  

-----------------------

I've made up my mind on what script has the best chance of making it, and "TWCD/Maverick" is that script.

Every comment from the threads has been archived in a Word document, so I know what's wrong and what needs changing/boosting.  

Thanks everyone for reading, even if they've looked bad, but that's about to change.

-Lee

EDIT:  I've asked Don not to remove this or Decaying World.  

Revision History (1 edits)
Leegion  -  February 5th, 2014, 3:01am
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Leegion
Posted: February 7th, 2014, 11:43am Report to Moderator
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Started the revision, pain in the backside, but it has to be done.  Just read "Unforgettable" "The Devil's Jokebook" and "Deep Cover"... now I know how to write scripts again...

Back in the saddle!
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DustinBowcot
Posted: February 7th, 2014, 1:24pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Leegion
I've asked Don to remove this and all of my other scripts.  This is because I have flooded the site and wish to take some time away, to rethink my stories and work harder on them.

I could crank out 1 script every 2 weeks all the time, and that's the problem.  I crank 1 out per 2 weeks, which is far too much, far too often.

I don't take my time, and that's about to change.  
  


Glad to hear it. I had to make the same decision. Work one script at a time till they are professional and flawless, then try and sell them.
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Leegion
Posted: February 7th, 2014, 1:34pm Report to Moderator
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Not saying it's gonna be professional or flawless, lol.  This is already draft 6, HAHA.  Might be on draft 20 before it looks decent.

The transition from novel to script is tough... so, I've decided to ADAPT my novel into screenplay format.

May take some time, but I know everything about it, and it seems like the perfect opportunity to transition seamlessly.

Just have to cut out like, 300 pages of material (leaving 11... or condense it so the whole thing becomes a 120-125 page script.  

First job is to cut out the 12 chase sequences (there's not 12), 1/2 chase sequence(s) instead.  There's like 15 sword-fights too, so I'll have to cut that down to 3, maybe 4.

It's an epic too, but it's my best story, and has been in my head for 12 years.
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DustinBowcot
Posted: February 7th, 2014, 1:39pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Leegion


It's an epic too, but it's my best story, and has been in my head for 12 years.


My first screenplay is adapted from a short story I wrote twenty years ago. Most of us need to learn how to write screenplays, and it is a curve... and certainly not easy.

In regards to your story, it's certainly the one you should adapt, and you may even find that the screenplay goes in a different direction... Not sure about you, but stories seem to write themselves.
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Leegion
Posted: February 7th, 2014, 1:52pm Report to Moderator
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Definitely agree with you on that one.  

Age of Shadows came about suddenly, based on the original idea, it somewhat spiralled into its own tale, especially with the addition of the secondary protagonist, who breaks up the plot and takes it in a new direction.

I have to remove A LOT of stuff in order for this to work.  The book has so many characters in it that cannot appear in the adaptation, otherwise it'll be a complete clusterf*** of a mess and confusing as all hell.

Chapters have to be spun around, Chapter 2 has to be the Prologue, as it's the war, so that might take up 8 - 10 pages, and there's 44 chapters...

So yeah, a lot of work ahead of me.  Guess I'd better start.
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