Refraction by Ami Brown & Mariano Amezaga - Thriller - When a down and out loser discovers a time portal where he communicates with his arrogant younger self, they attempt to create a lucrative future together, but soon become mortal enemies and a battle for control drives him to the brink of psychosis. 99 pages - pdf, format

Hi there. Read through this and there's a couple of things I think might improve it.

1. I don't see the point in the big charade of winning some/losing some bets. He'd just win the lottery - a big one - job done. It's impossible to cheat - no one will be suspicious. That whole gambling on lots of stuff episode is also very Back to the Future 2 - which I'd avoid.

2. Too much explaining not enough showing. When Jim and his dad discuss the whole time travel paradox thing at the end - it's too much. A lot of what you say in the dialogue is already clear or could be shown ion a more exciting way.

3. The situations are quite grounded. Nothing unrealistic happens - it's real world. Except for the central premise - a magic mirror. Now people might well just except this - what the hell. But I think the best time travel/paradox movies have a smattering of theoretical science in - it makes people excited about the actual possibility of time travel. Are their brains temporally linked after some strange incident? Or whatever - a bit of science - even if it's totally made up.

Just my opinion. It's generally a nice and personal twist on your average time paradox movie.

Also - the log line doesn't seem accurate. I didn't see anyone driven to psychosis? And they're not really mortal enemies - they don't try to kill each other. It's more about relationships and how our decisions effect us - but the l,ogling makes it sound like an out-and-out action thriller.