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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Thriller Scripts  ›  Anger Always Flowers Moderators: bert
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  Author    Anger Always Flowers  (currently 1462 views)
Don
Posted: November 22nd, 2015, 4:58pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Anger Always Flowers by Justin Murphy - Thriller - A Sicilian immigrant to New Orleans avenges the murder of his Cajun lover at the hands of his former mob boss. 87 pages - pdf, format


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cloroxmartini
Posted: November 24th, 2015, 1:57pm Report to Moderator
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EXT. PORT OF NEW ORLEANS DAY
GIUSEPPE ”GARY” ANTONINI arrives on a ship to NEW ORLEANS,
LOUISIANA. The young Sicilian immigrant sets foot in this
new world. Eyes gaze at him all around.
                    CENSUS TAKER
          Alright everyone...come on...
Each of these immigrants move forward into the immigration
office. Gary included. None say a word.
INT. IMMIGRATION OFFICE DAY
                    CENSUS TAKER
          What’s your name?
This Census taker ask another immigrant this question. No
doubt he has an authoritarian voice.
                    CENSUS TAKER
          What part of Sicily do you come
          from?
Gary hears his tone. Almost rude.
                    CENSUS TAKER
          Go to the end of the line...we’ll
          deal with you later.
He watches his fellow Sicilian. Gary sees him move to the
end of the line. This man has tears in his eyes

Based on this, the script will be a painful read.

Why? Why does everyone gaze at the young Sicilian? You tell me New Orleans in the action when the scene setting says the same thing.

Gary included. None says a word. No point in this so don't write it.

You have a census taker outside and inside. Maybe I hear the voice of the census taker but don't see him?

The census taker asks another immigrant this question. Who was he asking the question the first time?

Who did the census taker tell to go to the back of the line?

Which man has tears in his eyes?

I applauded that you wrote. However what is written here is not clear to me. Who is the census taker talking to?
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JustinMurphy
Posted: November 24th, 2015, 11:15pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks very much for the feedback.
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