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Finished reading your script. Focused more on story, flow and dialogue. Nit-picking I did in my previous review.
Parts of the script I liked, but overall, it didn't quite work for me. Mike in hell at p.40, maybe a little late and the major reveal happens at p.60. The early reveal took the edge away from the script too soon, IMO. Some repeated scenes from the reveal to the end of the script.
SPOILERS: Not sure if I understand the connection to the story with the surprise at the end, Sally and unborn shot by Mike.
Mike's confession might be okay, but maybe holding back on some of the details, make it more general, don't think Mike would expose all those details to Father Blake.
I wouldn't use "etc.' in a script. I would put Latin as parenthetical and write the dialogue in English. Not sure if diving into dialogue after a slug is correct, some action needed before dialogue. To show that time has lapsed, just use a mini slug like LATER (assuming same location).
Some of the dialogue was good (Mike and Ryker), some on the nose. Maybe cut back on some of the big blocks of dialogue, overly exposed. Overwritten at times (ex: instead of "he nods in understanding" -- "he nods").
Congrats on writing a feature. Good luck with your script.
Congrats on writing a feature. Good luck with your script.
Frank
Thanks a bunch for finishing and providing overall feedback. Bummer it wasn't quite to your tastes.
Re: the ending sequence of West killing his wife and unborn child, this is merely a representation of his ongoing suffering in his own version of Hell; i.e. he's being punished for being a prick whilst alive.
Again, thanks for taking the time to read and the feedback.